


Difficult Truths

by MissCoppelia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon Compliant, Crash Landing, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Finn is defensive, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Leia Organa is still alive, Loss of Virginity, Plot Twists, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Romance, Rose Ships It, Sad Ending, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, The Force, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey, Wilderness Survival, finnrose - Freeform, plot with a hint of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-03-21 09:56:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13738413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissCoppelia/pseuds/MissCoppelia
Summary: Set after the Last Jedi, Rey, Finn, and Rose are stranded in a remote jungle after Kylo Ren interrupts a desperate mission to recruit more people for the Resistance. Forced to work together to survive until a ship is repaired, Rey is determined to keep tempers from flaring and to learn more about her complicated foe.Currently being cross posted to fanfiction.net (where I first started publishing this fic). You can read the PG-13 version of this fic there: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12813612/1/Difficult-Truths





	1. Faster and Faster I Should Run

"Rey..."

She could hear his voice in her ear.

"Rey..."

It was hoarse, and deep. It pleaded for her. She thought she could feel his breath on her neck. He was close.

"Ben?"

"REY!"

Finn's voice boomed into her consciousness and Rey ripped her eyes open. The world seemed heavy and loud. Finn was hovering over her, a blurry picture of worry.

She groaned some sort of response.

Finn's face unfurled in relief. "Rey! You're alright!"

Rose appeared in beside him, nervous about something that Rey couldn't see.

"We've got to get out of here!" Rose's voice strained from the stress. "He could attack us!"

Finn grabbed Rey's shoulder and hoisted her up. Around them was burning metal and jungle.

The three of them had been sent on a mission to Akiva to find the former Resistance pilot Norra Wexley. After Finn and Rose's debacle at Canto Bight and the Resistance's limited number of resources, General Organa decided it was best to send a skilled pilot who could at least try to keep one of their precious ships out of trouble. She was still furious enough at Poe for his little coup on the Raddus to keep him grounded, so Rey was sent along instead.

It was a happy distraction for Rey. Things had calmed down as the minimal Resistance forces hid themselves in the swamps of Dagobah for the past few months. But for Rey that meant contemplative moments, and when she began to think, the Force tended to connect her and Kylo Ren. Her heart stung at the thought of his last few words to her on the Supremacy. As a result, she was gaining a reputation for having a nasty temper, all thanks to all her violent attempts to close the link. This mission would keep her blessedly busy for a few days.

But things had gone wrong from the moment they descended towards Akiva. First Order ships had appeared above them and in her panic, Rey had connected with Ben for a split second as she yelled out to Finn. She saw his look of surprise and heard him order someone unseen to ready his ship. The moment ended, and a few minutes later, his TIE Silencer was chasing after them.

She tried to push the small transport ship deep into the narrow valleys of the planet's jungles, but a sharp turn resulted in the ship hitting rock and ricocheting against the cliffs until they'd ended up crashing. All three had been ejected from the cockpit. The Silencer had made the same mistake and struck them as the Resistance ship bounced between the rocks. It crashed just ahead of them. And now Rey watched the newly appointed Supreme Leader of the First Order exit his ship as Rose and Finn tried to move her to safety.

"He's seen us!" Rey tried to warn her friends, but it only came out as panicked groan. She realized then that the side of her face was wet with blood. She had to shake off the haze the crash had left her in before he attacked them. Finn and Rose could never take him down alone.

"Stop."

His voice rang out deep and clear. Rey felt Finn's body go tense with terror. Rose whipped her head around to look.

"RUN!"

They did not make it very far before Kylo Ren's hand flew up and threw Finn and Rose away from Rey. She fell to the ground and heard the two grunt as their bodies made contact with the nearest trees. The impact returned her to clarity and Rey picked herself up to face him.

"Don't you dare hurt them," She screamed.

"Why shouldn't I?" He responded with a growl. "They're Rebel scum."

"I'm Rebel scum!"

His face grew troubled at the remark, no doubt he viewed her differently. Finn rushed out to tackle his former commander. Kylo Ren whipped up his arm as if it were nothing, and Finn found himself, unable to move any further. Rey heard Rose gasp behind her.

"Put him down, now!"

He glared at her and tightened his outstretched fingers. Finn began to choke. Rose screamed and dashed towards Finn.

"No!" Rey caught the woman and struggled to keep her from running towards Finn. Or worse, towards Kylo. She had to think of some way to stop him. Her light saber was still broken and she was not strong enough to counter his Force Hold.

"If you don't put him down, I'll-I'll..."

"You'll what?"

Think, Rey, think. She screamed at herself. Rose broke free from her grasp and lunged toward Finn.

"IF YOU HURT MY FRIENDS, I'LL KILL MYSELF!"

Finn dropped from the Force Hold and hit the ground gasping. Rose turned at Rey in shock, but then turned back to Finn.

Rey held Kylo Ren's startled stare. She could barely believe she said that. Kill herself? If the situation wasn't so desperate, she'd never consider it. She watched his body relax and he moved his hand down to his hilt. He must have realized it was a bluff, but did not care to test her mettle.

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you think, you murderer!" Rose screamed. Kylo shifted forward as if to attack again.

"Don't." Rey pleaded. She was desperate. "We don't have to fight."

Finn scrambled up and stepped behind her, pulling along Rose by the hand. He looked at Kylo Ren, then back at Rey.

"Rey, we have to get out of here," he hissed nervously at her.

"Finn, I-"

"He's going to kill us!"

Rey gulped. "He won't kill me."

Finn grabbed her shoulder. "Rey, I know you want to believe that, but he came after us himself! You know what happened to Luke when Kylo Ren came after him!"

"Take Rose and get out of here," Rey said firmly.

"Rey!"

"GO!"

What happened to Master Luke was more the result of the old Jedi projecting himself from Ahch-To to Crait than his nephew's rage-fueled attack. But since Rey could not hide behind such tricks, she was counting on the fact that the Supreme Leader cared about her. She held his gaze, betting her life against him was her most powerful weapon at the moment.

She saw Finn look cautiously between them, and then felt his grip on her arm loosen as he ran toward the ship with Rose in tow. He hadn't believed her when she told him about Kylo Ren killing Snoke to protect her, or how they'd defeated Snoke's guards together. And was particularly incredulous to hear about how their enemy had offered her his hand, wanting her to join his side. She didn't blame Finn. She could hardly believe the words that came out of her mouth, except that she knew her connection with Kylo Ren was truer than anything else she'd ever felt.

"You'd throw your life on the line for these fools?"

"They're my friends," Rey snapped.

"FN-2187 is a traitor and a coward."

"Finn has saved me countless times."

Kylo Ren huffed out a laugh. "Is that what he calls himself? Pathetic."

"You're one to talk, Ben." Rey hoped that would distract him long enough for her to think of a way to get back to the ship and off this planet.

"Ben Solo is dead," he replied calmly.

Finn burst out of the ship. "Rey! I can't get the ship to work!"

Dammit.

With that, Kylo began to stride toward her.

"I'll be happy to offer you a ride to the Finalizer. As my prisoners."

Rey closed her eyes. She still felt woozy from the crash and couldn't quite think fast enough. But maybe...

She took a step towards Kylo Ren and held out her wrists. "I'll let you take me if you leave Finn and Rose alone."

He paused at the sight of her hands stretched out towards him, breaking her gaze to look down at them.

"Rey, no!" Finn cried out. Rey heard him dash towards her, but was stopped by something Rose whispered that she couldn't quite make out.

"And let them escape execution for their crimes again? I think not." He huffed, more indignantly this time.

"Finn isn't a mechanic. He doesn't even know what a Harris wrench is."

This had better work. It was truly all she could think of.

"And Rose is just a medic! They won't be able to fix that ship without me."

Rey looked down, hoping she looked believably guilty and vulnerable. "They probably won't be able to get out of this jungle alive."

"Fine." He relented, and closed the distance between them. Kylo Ren grabbed her forearm roughly and pulled her toward him.

"Only for you." It was whispered so quietly that Rey wasn't sure he'd actually spoken. Her heart began to twinge in her chest, and she realized it had been pounding at full speed since she'd seen him step down from his ship.

He pulled her along with little care for the fact that she had to scramble to keep up with his pace.  
His sleek TIE fighter was now scratched on every surface. Its pointed wings were bent wildly out of shape. It would be a bumpy ride back to the First Order cruiser, but it looked more functional than their sorry transport ship. She hoped Rose could fix the thing well enough to get them some place safe before General Hux sent Storm Troopers after them.

He led her on board and pushed her into the copilot's seat. Rey tried to relax. Her enemy was distracted by the workings of his ship and not with killing her friends. He had kidnapped her before and she had survived. Hell, she had thrown herself into straight his clutches just to see if she could bring him back to the Light and survived. It was likely that she would be tortured for the new location of the Resistance, but she could survive this too and meet her friends back on Dagobah...

Kylo Ren's fist came down so hard on the dashboard that Rey yelped and jumped out of her seat. He roared in frustration and launched a closed fist into the panel itself, sending sparks everywhere.

Rey grabbed his other arm before he electrocuted himself. "What are you doing!?"

"It won't fly."


	2. We Suffered a Rare Rare Blue

Strange as it seemed, this was the best possible turn of events Rey could imagine.

A quick sweep of the TIE Silencer revealed that the crash had done more damage than it appeared. Repairs would probably take Rey a week, if the lack of tools didn't set her back. Kylo had destroyed the communications panel thanks to his little fit. He now sat seething and trying to project himself through the Force to alert General Hux, but it wasn't working. Apparently his bond with Rey was the only one that came easily to him. That made her smile. She did her best to hide it before he noticed. Thankfully he was too busy muttering something about Hux leaving him to rot.

When he had calmed down, they exited the craft to see Finn and Rose staring at them warily from behind a piece of wreckage. Rey waved them over.

"Ben's ship is grounded. We're all stuck here," she stated.

This was a lie. She hadn't had a good look at the Resistance ship. Even if it couldn't fly, maybe the communicator still worked and they could get Poe to rescue them. Finn looked so nervous Rey suspected he was ready to run into the jungle despite the consequences. His limbs twitched, ready to carry him far, far away. Rose glared at Kylo Ren with a simmering hatred. Kylo just stood there, coldly assessing them.

"I know it's not an ideal situation, but if we set up a camp here and work together, maybe we can get at least one ship fixed."

"Like hell I'm going to work with HIM."

"Trust me. No one wants to work with traitorous scum like you, FN-2187."

Rose crinkled her nose at Kylo Ren. "If he's traitorous scum, then what does that make you?"

"GUYS." Rey put herself in between Kylo and her friends.

"This isn't a matter of choice. You don't have to like each other, but if any of us are going to survive this situation, we've got to work at it. TOGETHER."

Finn clenched a fist and shook it in frustration. "I don't want to be anywhere near this guy."

"The feeling is mutual."

Rey sighed. "You don't have to be near each other either. Ben can help me with repairing the ship. Finn, Rose, you can be in charge of gathering food and whatever else we need."

The other three fell silent as they contemplated the situation.

"I'll agree to this if he gives us his light saber," Finn finally said. "That way we'll all be safer."

"You realize I can call it back to me at any time."

Finn glared at Kylo. "Yeah, well, so can Rey."

"We'll set up a watch schedule at night to make sure he doesn't try anything while we sleep," Rose added.

"That sounds like a good plan," Rey said as she turned back to Kylo and held out her hand. "Let me have your light saber, Ben."

His black eyes scanned her. This situation was not to his liking, and yet Rey knew there were no better solutions.

"I could just kill these two and have you fix the ship."

"I'll destroy your ship and kill myself if you so much as touch them." She held her arm out further. "But you don't have to hurt anyone. Once the repairs on your ship are done, I'll go with you willingly as long as you leave Finn and Rose unharmed."

He touched his hilt but made no other move.

"I'll take good care of it, Ben."

With a grimace, he undid the clasp, handed it over to her, and turned swiftly back to his own ship. To sulk, Rey suspected.

As she attached the weapon to her waist, Rey wondered if Kylo Ren had always been such a pushover. Even though he didn't quite trust her, his desire to have her around meant she could manipulate him as long as she could make it seem advantageous to him. Maybe she could even convince him to turn from the Dark Side and join her. But at the very least, she could keep an eye on her friends and plan an escape.

She turned to Rose.

"Do you think you can send a distress signal to the Resistance?"

Rose nodded. "I think the comms are still working."

Rey looked back towards the TIE Silencer. "If you can do that and fix the ship while he's not looking, I can delay the repairs on his ship and help you while he's asleep."

Finn pressed his lips together. "I'm still worried about you hanging around him, Rey. He's a monster."

Rey lowered her gaze. She knew it was hard for the others to grasp her attachment to Ben. They did not have the same sensitivity to the Force, and hadn't talked to him like she had. It wasn't even that she understood Ben herself, but they had reached out and listened to each other. As angry as she still felt at him, it was obvious that he cared. She trusted that. Even if he was a monster, he was human.

"Finn...Just trust me, please."

Finn bounced with frustration and nervousness. "Rey, he's dangerous."

"We don't really have a choice, Finn." Rose interjected. "If Rey does this, then we might be able to complete this mission and get back to the Resistance. They need us."

She laid her hand on Finn's shoulder and the two shared a look. Rey was quite sure they were sweet on each other, but Finn kept denying it to anyone who asked. Rose was perfect for him. He needed someone beyond her and Poe. Someone who could be there for him when they were busy with missions or their own personal issues.

Rey placed her hand on Finn's other shoulder. "I'll be okay."

She found Kylo Ren sitting hunched over the control panel in his ship. He eyed her, but said nothing. Rey opened up one of the consoles that needed repair and started to tinker, but she was exhausted and soon found herself just staring off into the wires.

She turned to look at Kylo. His eyes were closed in a frown and his forehead rested on clenched hands. His tunic, cape, and gloves lay on the floor and he was only wearing a tight-fitting black undershirt. Sweat was gathering on his forehead. She realized it was hot inside the dark, broken ship. After all her years on Jakku, she hadn't noticed the temperature.

"Do you have any water?"

He looked up, a bit startled. Did she wake him from a nap?

He turned and fumbled inside a compartment, then shoved a canteen toward her. After taking a long swig, she handed the open bottle to him. He took it and paused. Rey wasn't sure if the flush on his cheeks was from the heat or shyness.

"Drink," she urged him. "If you don't stay hydrated, you'll lose energy quickly in weather like this."

He lifted the bottle to his lips and tilted his head back. It was then that she noticed his bloodied left wrist. It must have happened when he put his fist through the console. Without thinking, Rey grabbed his elbow and sat down next to him as she rolled up the sleeve.

His eyebrows raised. "What are you doing?"

"If you don't treat this, it could get infected." It was true. Anyone unlucky enough to get a cut on Dagobah usually found it oozing with pus fast. Something about the humidity.

He grunted as she picked a piece of glass from one of the cuts.

"Sorry... Do you have a first aid kit?"

He went back to the compartment and produced one. Rey got to work disinfecting the cuts, and was surprised when Kylo flinched each time she applied it. Finally, she was able to wrap his arm in a flexible black bandage.

He grabbed the disinfectant. "You too."

The day had been such a whirlwind she had forgotten the blood on her face. Kylo dabbed the same rag she had used on him into the disinfectant.

"Um, you should use a new cloth," Rey said softly. She reached for the water canteen and poured some into her open palm. He watched her as she splashed it onto her face and rubbed some of the blood off.

"I've never treated wounds before." He leaned in as he held up a new cloth with disinfectant to her forehead, and Rey pulled back before it even touched her.

"Are you scared of me?" The look in his eyes was familiar, just like in Snoke's chambers as he pleaded for her to join him. Disappointed and sad.

"No, I-" Rey stammered, her face becoming flush. "You were so close..."

"Sorry."

"It's fine."

He touched the cloth to her temple and wiped it gently. Her heart was beating too fast again.

"Thank you," she managed.

Many moments of silence passed between them, which only made Rey's heart roar harder with nervousness. She studied the canteen her hands very carefully.

"Why did you call out to me?"

Something about his eyes always startled her. They were so intense, and whenever the two of them spoke, it was a bit unnerving how they never seemed to leave her. But this time...She could tell he was searching for something.

"I didn't mean to. It just happened."

He looked down, and his disappointment was clear. Her rejection had wounded him as much as her light saber had. He wanted her to say that she meant to reach out to him, that she wanted him to come to her. Guilt rushed over her in waves, but a voice inside of her rang out loud and clear. He was still Kylo Ren, and she still remained loyal to her friends in the Resistance and their cause. There had been no change in their paths. Another voice murmured to forget about all that nonsense.

"Why did you chase after us? Didn't you realize we were trying to run away?"

His eyes widened in surprise and embarrassment.

"I..." He clenched his fist. "I didn't realize you were with the others. I just wanted to see you again."

Thank goodness he was still looking away because she felt her face growing hot.

"What if I didn't want to see you?"

His whole body tensed. She could see his muscles clenching through his shirt. He kept his eyes pinned to the ground. Rey felt evil for saying it. This person who toyed with others wasn't the Rey she knew, but...

"When we get back to the First Order, are you going to torture me for information on the Resistance?"

He whipped his head up, eyes blazing with anger. "No! Never! Not...anymore."

"What do you plan to do with me then?"

"I want you to join me," he growled, less fearsome and more desperate. "I want you to see what it's like!"

The Supreme Leader of the First Order was pleading with her again, a little nobody from the desert. A wry smile made its way onto her face.

"I'm your prisoner, Ben," Rey whispered. "I'm only going to save my friends."

Kylo Ren leaned back into his seat and pushed his palms up his face. She had gotten under his skin and twisted what he thought was a success into another rejection.

"Do you mind if I go rest? I'm too tired to concentrate," Rey said calmly as she stood up. "I can start repairs tomorrow."

"Rey."

He had grabbed her hand. Rey struggled to keep her cool as she turned to look at him, bent low before her.

"I just want a chance to show you what we could be."

He squeezed her hand tightly and pressed his forehead to it.

"Please..."

"REEEEEEEY! REEEEEEY?"

They both whipped away from each other.

Rose was outside the ship holding an armload of fruits. Finn stared cautiously at the cockpit from a few meters further away, his arms laden with firewood.

"They can't see in," Kylo Ren said quickly.

She couldn't have gotten out the enemy ship any faster.


	3. May Your Light Lead Them Both Back to One

Finn and Rose had been lucky in their search for supplies. There was a stream nearby with fish, and plenty of gourds and fruit along the way. Rose was a little bit worried that the mossy firewood they found wouldn't start, but the light saber would ignite just about anything, damp or not.

Finn had no experience handling food, they found out. The First Order fed their troops mostly ready-made meal packs. Rey could at least be trusted to cook the fish, or at least not burn them. She'd never had fish on Jakku and was surprised by how delicious the disgusting-looking creatures were when she first tried one on Ahch-To. It had taken much convincing from Chewbacca to even try one after Master Luke made her try the sea cow milk though.

Night started to fall and the three of them found some emergency blankets and vaguely comfortable spots to sleep on. Rose took the first watch of the night and Finn fell asleep right away, but Rey kept replaying the day in her head until she slipped into a dream.

There were soft green fields all around her, and her toes were planted firmly in the cool, moist soil. Someone familiar took her hand and kissed the back of it. His smile made her heart flutter quietly. She turned her head at the sound of two small children calling to her. They ran up, clinging to her legs and laughing. She had been in this dream before. Rey turned again to the man beside her. Ben wrapped an arm around her waist. His smile was warm and happy.

What bliss, Rey thought.

Finn woke her up for her watch with a bundle of leftover fish and gourd. It was still dark, but as she nibbled on the food outside by their fire, the jungle filled with mist and light. Rey yelped at a large multi-legged insect that crawled over the side of her perch and then scuttled across the leaves, shimmering blue and yellow. Mostly she listened to unseen birds calling each other from the trees.

Eventually, she walked over to Kylo's ship. She poked her head inside, but he wasn't there. She was relieved not to have to face him again right then. She ran back over to the other ship to wake Rose, and then returned to start the repairs.

Half the day was spent clearing out debris when Rey realized Kylo Ren hadn't returned. She went to check on Finn and Rose, who had nearly finished preparing lunch. They ate and Rey returned to the TIE Silencer, but there was still no sign of him. She tinkered around with some scraps that might be re-purposed, though her concentration had scattered

After getting nowhere with the repairs, Rey wandered back to her friends complaining about the overly complicated inner workings of First Order ships.

"We should go take a dip in the stream. Get all the gunk off," Rose suggested.

"That sounds great," Finn chimed in. He was still used to frequent showers. Something about how much sweating happened under Storm Trooper armor.

"Nuh-uh. Girls only. You can go later."

Rey grabbed one of the leftover packets of food.

"Before we go, I'm going to leave Ben some food."

Finn raised an eyebrow at her. "Let the man fend for himself, Rey. That's the least he could do."

Rey shook her head. "I get the feeling he'll forget to eat if I don't."

Finn sighed at her as she left, but nonetheless she wandered over, unsure if he'd come back while she wasn't looking. He was right about not being able to see into the cockpit from the outside. Rey laid the food on a rock, rapped once on the hull, and bolted.

Rose was waiting for her by the edge of the jungle.

"So he does make you nervous after all," Rose teased.

"Of course he does!" Rey felt her face get hot.

The two girls looked at each other and broke out laughing.

"Please, let's talk about anything else."

"Do you know how to swim?"

Rey did not. In fact, she had only been in a moving body of water once before and found it more upsetting than the revelations of the mirror cave. She didn't realize it was something people did for fun.

This made Rose even more determined to teach her and now Rey was up to her thighs in rushing water, refusing to move. The "stream," as Rose dubbed it, was a fast-moving river nearly 50 feet wide. At the edge, Rey could see the rocks underneath the water, but the middle of it was dark and muddy. She was strongly reconsidering their friendship as Rose tugged at her elbow, urging her to step in deeper.

"You can't get clean if you just dip your toes in, silly!"

"I can do perfectly well with just a bowl of water," Rey insisted. "Really, I've done it many times."

"Just try it," Rose whined. "I can touch the bottom without having to put my head underwater and I'm shorter than you are!"

Rey gulped. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. People did this all the time on worlds with more water, right? She stepped forward to cheers from Rose and once more.

The water plunged around Rey. She gasped, felt it enter her mouth, and spit it back out as quickly as she could. Her eyes were still open and she could see Rose's torso before her in the murkiness, but her friend was no longer holding her hand. Before she could reach out, something invisible pulled her from behind and sent Rey tumbling through the water.

"REY!"

Everything was happening faster than Rey could react. Her head would break through the surface, but she couldn't get her mouth open for air before she'd be tossed back underwater. The current slammed her into a rock and pushed out what little breath and energy she had left. Her mouth filled with water again. She could feel herself giving up hope as the water thrashed her about.

Rey felt something clasp around her waist then pull her back. She had no will to fight against it until suddenly her head was above water again. She coughed and gasped for air. She grabbed at whatever had allowed her to surface and realized that Kylo Ren was dragging her out of the river and onto the shore. Rose ran up to them and collapsed on her knees beside them.

"REY! Are you alright?"

Rey couldn't get enough air in her lungs to answer her. It felt like all the warmth had left her body and a weight was crushing her chest. A pounding noise thudded through her head. Her heart? No matter how much she tried, she couldn't breathe deeply.

"She seems okay, just shaken." Kylo responded.

He loosened his grip on her waist, but Rey grabbed on to his arm tightly.

Don't let me die, she wanted to scream.

He looked down at her, recognizing the fear she was going through. She felt his arms wrap around her shoulders.

"You're safe," his soft, deep voice echoed in her ear. "I'm here. I've got you."

Rey closed her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks like waves. At some point she heard Finn arrive, his voice loud and panicked. She couldn't make it out over the pounding. Then Rose's voice answered him, and all fell silent except for Kylo's whispers.

"Breathe. Just breathe."

"We're all here. You're safe."

She felt his nose pressed against the side of her head. She squeezed his arm harder. He grasped her shoulders firmly in response. They stayed like that for a while until Rey realized she was breathing normally again. She felt her body relax.

"Are you feeling better now?"

Rey nodded and he let go. She turned to look at her surroundings and found Rose's face distorted with tears.

"Rey..." She choked on the sounds. "I'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

Finn put his hands on Rose's shoulders to comfort her.

"No," Rey eked out the sound. She meant to continue, but was overcome with a coughing fit. Kylo put a hand on her back.

"Do you think you can stand?" He asked after the coughing subsided.

Rey nodded and Finn reached over to lend her hand up. Rose engulfed her in a hug, still teary-eyed.

Back at camp, Rey found herself being spoiled like never been before. Finn gave her his prized jacket to wear while her top dried and he got the fire going again. Rose busied herself making a fresh meal for Rey. Kylo wandered off, but returned with his cape and wrapped Rey in it.

Then he took his shirt off and laid it by the fire next to Rey's top.

Rey saw Rose look up and stare. She didn't need to look, but snuck a peek anyway. And then Finn noticed.

"Man, put your shirt back on! Nobody needs to see that!"

Rey tried to stifle her giggle, but wound up snorting.

"My shirt is wet," was the only response Kylo Ren could come up with. Rey didn't bother to hold back her laughter anymore.

When she finally stopped laughing, she looked up at him again only to see him blushing slightly. Rey took off his cape and shoved it toward him.

"Here," she laughed. "It's too warm with this jacket on anyway."

He took it and sat down next to her. He pointed his face away from the crowd, and Rey smiled at his shyness.

"Thank you, Ben," she said soft enough for only him to hear.

He turned to look at her, clearly uncomfortable with this current situation, with anyone but Rey.

"You're okay?"

She reached up to brush a hair off his cheek.

"Much better."


	4. You Just Can't Stop Your Heart from Hanging On

"That was the strangest thing I've ever seen," Finn declared as soon as they stepped into their broken ship.

Rose laughed. "You mean when he took his top off? I couldn't stop staring."

"No, when Rey was... Look, I've just never seen that man be anything but angry as hell." Finn looked at Rey with concern. "It was creepy."

Rey looked down at her hands, fumbling for an explanation.

"It's easy to think that way," she raised her head to look up at Finn. "I thought he was a monster too, but...he's just a person like the rest of us."

She did not want to look at Finn's face. Rey knew it would be full of disappointment, anger, and disbelief.

"He's done a lot of terrible things, but I know that he's been hurt and betrayed. By people he cared about deeply," She sighed.

"We've all been hurt, Rey," Finn shot back. "You don't see us going around murdering and torturing people like he does."

Rey's fist clenched around her damp top. Kylo Ren's crimes were horrific. Ben's remaining humanity was all she could defend.

"I don't understand him, Finn," she finally said. "But there's more to Ben than what you saw when you were with the First Order. I've seen it and now you've seen it too. He can be a good person."

She knew her comments didn't sit well with Finn. Rose looked uncomfortable too. They could spend eternity debating his misdeeds, and not one argument would be totally wrong.

"None of us are perfect," Rey added before she laid down, wrapped a blanket around herself, and turned away from them.

Rey heard when Rose and Finn left the ship a few moments later and began a hushed conversation outside. She tried to will herself to sleep. She was dead tired, but frustration over not being able to defend Ben prevented Rey from drifting off. She knew in the core of her being that he could be better, yet half the battle would be getting others to see the same. The whispers stopped and she heard footsteps approach her bunk.

"Rey, are you asleep?" Rose whispered.

Rey shook her head. She heard Finn walk in and settle down into his makeshift bedding. Rose leaned her face close to Rey's ear.

"Let's talk outside."

Rose plopped down by the fire. She touched her pendant, and Rey's heart ached for her. Finn had told her what it was and about Rose's sister. About how the two of them had met... It made Rey endlessly sad to think of someone losing their family too.

"How do you feel about Kylo Ren?" Rose asked with a hint of nervousness.

Rey wasn't surprised. Finn must have put her up to this, but he wouldn't have been able to stomach the answers without getting angry. Rose wasn't as deeply scarred by the First Order as he was.

"I'm not scared of him," Rey started. "I..."

She stopped and stared into the fire. Her feelings were so complicated. What could she say to explain it?

"I think I'm curious about him."

"Curious?"

Rey paused. She had told her friends a lot about her encounters with Ben on Ahch-To and the Supremacy, but this was one of the details she'd left out.

"I saw his future. Or at least I thought I did, but he saw something different. I want to know what he saw. I want to know if I can change him. If it's even possible."

Rose tilted her head and stared at Rey. "That's crazy. He's the Supreme Leader now. Someone like him doesn't want to change."

"Maybe it is...But Master Luke helped to turn Darth Vader before his death. So maybe it isn't so crazy."

The two sat in silence for a while. Rey played with the hem of her blanket. The urge to go to Ben was rising inside her, but the last thing she wanted was for her friends to worry.

"Finn is just concerned," Rose finally began. "He knows what the First Order is like and he doesn't want you to get hurt if we can't get out of here in time."

Rey nodded. Of course he was. Her plan was a huge gamble and she knew it probably wasn't going to work, but if something could change between them...

"This has to happen, Rose." She stood and looked down at Rose, trying to put on a comforting smile. "I need to understand him. At the very least."

Rey excused herself and made her way to Kylo's ship. A wind of confidence had hit as she spoke to Rose, but found herself hesitating when she lifted a hand to knock on the black hull. Remembering his words in Snoke's chamber, Rey felt the pain rip through her heart anew. She had been so sure that he would join her after he killed his master and they fought against the guards, and so crushed as he proposed she join the Dark side instead. She had wanted badly to believe in him and what she saw. Tears threatened to spill from the corners of her eyes. She couldn't face him like this, it would only lead to them fighting.

Rey turned at a noise in the jungle behind her. It was like something was rhythmically tapping the leaves. She froze, not recognizing the sound. It continued and something wet hit her head. Then, mere seconds later, the sky let loose upon the narrow valley. Rey was drenched before she even could react. She pounded on the hull with no more hesitation.

A confused Kylo Ren opened the door, still shirtless. He looked her over quickly.

"...You should come in."

Rey stepped inside and Kylo threw his cloak at her. "Cover up."

The door closed behind her. She was confused at his words until she unfolded the cloak and realized she had come in only her chest coverings, now plastered to her skin. Her top lay back at the Resistance ship, still drying. His face was turned very pointedly away from her, allowing her a chance at modesty.

"Thanks..." Rey could feel her face redden. "Again."

"Why are you here?"

"I want...to talk. I need answers."

He turned back toward her, his gaze first looking down at the edges of his cloak wrapped around her torso, then up to meet her eyes. Rey tried to muster up her earlier bravado as she listened to the rain batter against the ship.

"What do you want to know?"

Everything, Rey thought.

 

"I-I want to know what you saw when we first touched. It was a different vision than mine."

He was studying her. He always did when they talked through the Force. Rey wondered what he found so fascinating about her. Her gaze lingered on the long scar across his cheek. It gave his soft face a hardness that he didn't have before. She felt a small pang of guilt for being the cause of it.

"I saw many things. I became the Supreme Leader with you at my side. We fought for the vision of the world I wanted," Ben replied. "We..."

He paused again, then turned away from her and stepped towards another corner of the ship. Rey followed him.

"What happened?" Her hand found his shoulder. "You can tell me, Ben."

She saw his face flush and he tried to turn away again. "Ben, please."

"I saw us. In bed together."

The words burst out of him so quickly that Rey widened her eyes in surprise before she could even process them. As their meaning entered her mind, her thoughts flew apart. In bed? Together? Her cheeks burned as she thought of it for the first time.

He watched her reaction, his brow etched in embarrassment. He was ashamed of it, she realized. At first her mortification had been just at the mention of such intimacy, but now Rey began wonder what he meant exactly. A queasy feeling crept into her throat.

"Is that how you think of me?" Her voice came out too softly and timidly for her own taste. Anger and disgust began to boil in her stomach.

"What?"

Rey glared at him. "Am I just some prize to you? Something that you can win, then bed whenever you please?"

"No," Ben pleaded. "That's not what I meant!"

"I won't be your conquest." She turned to leave, but he grabbed her arm.

"Wait, Rey! Listen to me!"

Rey thought about using the Force to throw him back against the wall. He deserved it.

"Let me go, Kylo Ren."

She felt him flinch at the mention of his other name. He had gotten used to her calling him Ben now.

"It wasn't like that!" He roared. "In the vision, we were lovers, but equals. I gave you everything. I gave you more power over the First Order than General Hux..."

Rey tore her arm away.

"I don't believe you."

She turned again and moved to open the ship door. But before she could reach it, Ben's arms wrapped around her waist and he pulled her against him roughly.

"Rey, don't," his voice was cracking with emotion. "I had no control over what I saw. I only know that in the vision I loved you deeply..."

Rey didn't struggle against him. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Let me go," Rey demanded. She should have known. A man like him was used to having people do what he wanted. He had told her as much the first time they met. Of course he would fantasize about her following his every whim. She felt stupid for trying to get to know him, for letting what she felt pull her under his spell.

"No," Ben pressed his cheek into her hair. "Not until you tell me what you saw in your vision."

"I already told you what I saw!"

"You said my mother gave us her blessing," he countered. "For what?"

"To marry! What else?"

It was quiet for a moment, then Ben chuckled. It wasn't the arrogant noise that she'd heard before, but happy and warm. He let her go as promised.

"So you wanted the same thing?"

Rey turned to look at him slowly. He was actually smiling like a real person, his broad mouth pulled itself into a wide grin, his eyes crinkled with joy. She could feel her anger softening at the sight of it.

"It wasn't the same," Rey said, still feeling defensive. She looked down. "We had a family. It wasn't just sex!"

"It wasn't just sex in my vision. I swear."

Ben gently took her hand.

"Rey, I love you," His smile turned serene and calm as he looked down at her. "I would marry you if that was what you wanted. I'd give you anything if it was within my power to give."

Rey stared up at him, defiant. "Would you leave the First Order for me?"

The smile faded and worry replaced it. Rey freed her hand, then reached up and touched the scar on Ben's cheek. She felt his breath quicken.

"No matter what we feel, neither of us wants to give up the things that keep us apart, Ben." Rey sighed. "How can we love each other that way?"

He pulled away from her, now deep in troubled thoughts. The truth was painful, and she had ripped the wound open again. Perhaps the sting of it would push him to change. Rey had hope each time he revealed a piece of kindness or a vulnerability, each time it wasn't enough to overcome his darkness. She closed her eyes. She was getting tired of hoping.

Ben's forehead pressed against hers. His arms wrapped themselves around her waist once again and pulled her gently against him. Rey didn't stop him, but she wondered if she should let him.

"All I want is to be near you," he pleaded. "Even if it's just for now, while we're here...Can we be together?"

Another uneasy truce, Rey thought. But it's working.

She gently pressed her lips to his.

"Alright. Only for you."


	5. Let's Leave in an Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kids are alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you again to my wonderful friend and beta reader M, who probably won't see this, but is very kind to read these chapters and spur me on! And thank you to all of you who waited patiently for this next chapter. I had been writing very quickly until I reached this chapter (and the next few chapters after this), so it took some time before I felt truly comfortable showing it to someone else.
> 
> This chapter gets a little sexy, so if you want a PG 13 version, check out the cross posting here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12813612/5/Difficult-Truths
> 
> I hope you guys like this. It's my first time writing a lemon. I'm a ~little~ nervous about it!

Rey hadn't expected tenderness. She thought Ben would be hungrier and more demanding, but he was surprisingly sweet as he wrapped her in his arms and returned her kiss. He didn't push, content to let each touch linger as long as it could so he could cherish it. She gasped slightly as he pressed her a bit closer.

The way he kissed her was passionate, but not overwhelming. Every so often, he would pause- his thick lips lingering just beyond hers- and Rey would have to beckon him in for more. She almost wanted to push him to be more aggressive, but his languid pace sent little shivers down her spine every time he ran a hand slowly down her body. It didn't help that he'd pushed aside the cloak, leaving only bare skin between his fingers and most of her torso.

His lips moved down her neck and Rey thought she might melt. Being in his arms felt too right, like her soul had been waiting for a long time for every touch. She wondered if he felt the same way as her hand moved up his bare chest and into the hair at the base of his neck. The little noise he made suggested he might.

It wasn't until he laid her on the floor and removed her chest covering that Rey hesitated. Shyness hit her, and she covered herself awkwardly with her arms. Ben froze in place.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“I...I've never done this before,” she admitted. Her whole body felt like it was turning red.

A nervous smile crossed his face. “Neither have I.”

Rey removed a hand and touched his cheek.

“I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable,” he whispered. “Tell me what you want...”

She pulled him in for a deep kiss. “Keep going.”

Their lips clashed with more passion and intensity than before. Ben's hands moved down her shoulders to her breasts, rubbing a finger over her bare nipples. Rey gasped, still in the middle of their kiss, and felt the corners of his lips turn up. As he ran his hands along her body, Rey noticed Ben delighted in learning what made her react, but her arms just lay there, unsure of where they should be doing. He seemed to know how to stimulate her, and she knew...nothing. There had been no one on Jakku to giggle with over crushes, like the women in the Resistance often did. There had been no one to even sneak a kiss from on that terrible desert planet, let alone caress. It made the feel of his lips on her skin all the more tantalizing.

Rey felt his member pressed against her leg, and decided to start there. His breath caught as she grazed it. Emboldened, she let her fingers trail down the sides, only to hear Ben try and fail to stifle a groan. But when she continued, Ben grabbed her wrist tightly and pulled it away from him.

“Not now,” he whispered, his voice rough.

Their eyes met and Rey blushed at her mistake.

“I don't know what to do,” she admitted. “I thought...”

Ben looked her over. “I have an idea... If I may?”

She nodded and he pressed his hand between her legs. Rey cried out, feeling the shock of new sensation ripple throughout her body. Ben pulled his hand away immediately.

“Did I hurt you?”

She was still stunned by the intensity of it, her mind left blank for a moment. Rey had thought the pressure building in her abdomen was something different entirely. She'd hoped she could hold it in until after they finished. But now she realized the sensation was arousal and Ben's touch had ignited in her a completely new sense of pleasure.

Her fingers uncurled from his shoulders. Little marks in his skin had been left by her nails.

“No...I...” He looked so worried for her. “It felt good. It felt very, very good.”

It took him no time at all to remove the rest of her clothing. It felt strange to be so exposed, but Ben's gentle kisses and whispers when he saw her blush made Rey feel more at ease.

“Tell me if it hurts. I'll stop,” he demanded. “Promise to tell me.”

“I promise,” She whispered back. Rey had no idea just how much she had wanted this before now. Her nervousness would have to be damned.

Ben propped her legs open, one ankle resting on his shoulder, and ran a finger along her slit. Rey shivered as he grazed her clit. Ben paused for a second. When he was sure she wasn't in pain, he pressed a finger into her.

Rey didn't realize how loudly she was moaning until Ben's mouth covered hers. The tension of their new position, her leg pushed back as his body leaned to meet hers, made his movements feel more much more intense. He kissed along her jaw and drew his finger out.

“No, don't!” She breathed.

Ben paused right below her ear, his lips hovering just above her skin. “Did that feel good?”

Rey nodded and whimpered as his free hand pulled at a nipple. He pressed another finger in and nipped at her earlobes. Rey felt muscles that she never knew existed tighten around him.

Their eyes met as Ben lifted his face away from hers. He had been watching her every reaction to his touch, completely concentrated on her. Something about it lit a fire deep within Rey. They wanted each other so badly. Despite all that separated them, in this moment where it was just them, they could drop everything and give in to each other. She felt the sudden urge both to hurry before they ran out of time and to slowly savor the moment as much as possible.

Holding his gaze, she reached for his member again. Ben shuddered as she made contact with it, his eyes closed and his lips parted in a soft moan. When he reopened them, Ben gave her a desperate look, but Rey kept stroking him gently.

“I want to give you pleasure too.” It was almost a demand, and Ben's eyes widened as she said it.

“Rey...” his voice strained as her thumb ran over his head.

“Should I continue?”

“Yes!” He lurched forward and leaned heavily on his free arm.

Rey let go and slipped her fingers into the waist of his pants before tugging them downward. The feel of the soft skin of his bare member was far more pleasant than she expected. It slid smoothly beneath her fingers as she pulled up and down his length. Ben's whole body tensed and now it was Rey's turn to watch. It was quite the attractive sight to see his large, muscular body shudder and strain at her touch.

Soon he was repeating her name desperately as he came. Ben ran his fingers through her hair, still panting hard as Rey let him go, and pulled her in for a deep kiss. His body pressed tightly against Rey's, and she could almost imagine how it'd feel with him inside of her.

Ben pulled away from her and his hands returned to her inner thighs. “Your turn.”

“You don't have to,” Rey whispered. “You've already done enough.”

He pressed his fingers into her again. “No, I want to make you feel that good. I want to see you come.”

The first thrust was deep and rough. Rey let out a small cry of pleasure, and Ben began to slowly pump his fingers inside of her just slightly, creating a more gentle and steady rhythm. Then he moved his thumb over her sensitive nub and Rey thought she might lose her mind.

Her hips rose of their own accord and bucked against Ben's hand. Just his fingers inside of her had felt so satisfying, but the combination was almost more than Rey could stand. She couldn't keep still and focus on how wonderful it felt. It took a while before she realized that her body moved because it was crying out for more. By then Ben had increased his pace and she could feel the overwhelming urge of orgasm begin to take over.

It came like a wave crashing down with a great rush. Rey was aware of her hands grabbing at the fabric of his cloak below her and a sensation that was almost like floating.

“Ben!” she knew her cries were too loud, but she almost didn't care. She wanted him to drown her in another deep kiss and leave her breathless.

He slowly removed his fingers, and gave her a gentle peck. Rey pulled his torso down forcefully against hers.

“I want more!” she growled.

Within moments, Ben had pulled her legs up around his torso and was carefully trying to push his member into her. It was then that Rey remembered all the older women at Niima Outpost who had warned her to stay away from men as long as possible. They told her that it hurt at first, that she would bleed the first time a man entered her.

Disappointment filled her gut. Everything so far had felt so wonderful that she didn't want this moment to ruin it all. She bit her lip with nervous anticipation as she felt him begin to fill her, but the pain never came.

She looked up and was surprised to see him studying her again. His gaze was soft and worried.

“Are you okay?” he whispered. Rey nodded. It was somewhat uncomfortable and strained in some places, being so full in this unfamiliar way, but it did not hurt like she expected.

She pulled him closer until his face met hers. “I think it's okay. Keep going.”

Ben kissed her hungrily as he pushed deeper. One of his hands ran along her thighs and he pushed it back, allowing him to thrust harder. Rey whimpered into his mouth, her hands gripping his biceps.

The feeling of him moving inside her was still strange, even as she felt the beginnings of pleasure. It was like their energies were mixing and beginning to create something new and bright. Rey began to realize it was the Force flowing stronger around them, basking in their newfound connection. Each place their skin touched crackled with unseen energy. Ben increased the pace of his movements, making the Force surge in response. Rey felt her back arc, but Ben wrapped an arm around her, keeping her firmly pressed against him.

“Rey, you feel so good...” he groaned. The low vibrations of his voice rumbled where her fingers touched his chest.

“Ah!” A particularly hard thrust took her breath momentarily. “You do too...”

Ben hooked his arms under her legs and pushed them up higher. His member twitched inside of Rey and she knew that he was close. Suddenly he stopped and let out a deep groan, filling her with his liquid. She felt her inner muscles squeeze just as they did before her own orgasm.

He nearly collapsed on top of her, kissing her everywhere he could reach and running his hands where his lips could not go. The ebbs of the Force lapped at their skin, slowly fading, but still heightening each touch. Rey laced her fingers through Ben's hand.

“That felt amazing,” she whispered.

“That felt like it was always meant to be,” he replied.

Afterward, as Rey drifted off to sleep in Ben's arms, she felt oddly renewed. Instead of the sticky humidity she had felt the last few evenings, the night was cool enough to enjoy their bodies warming each other. She lay there listening to all the new sounds the rain was making, and then sleep took her.

For a long time, there was nothing but softness and darkness. Then she shifted in her sleep and a bright light caught in her eye. Rey opened them and saw Ben lying next to her, his arms snaked around her waist. Something was off about him. She rubbed her eyes and found the source of the darkness. It covered Ben's skin like a glowing film.

Rey put a hand on his chest and watched as the darkness gave way, then flowed around her wrist. It rippled and shimmered in the light. She tried to move it away, but it clung to his skin and moved whenever she touched it. She looked around and saw that they were not in his ship, but surrounded by bright nothingness.

It was nothing more than a dream, but something about it made her uneasy. Rey pressed herself against Ben, hoping to repel whatever surrounded him. She closed her eyes and willed herself to wake up. Just as she thought it was working, she felt him stir.

Her eyes opened lazily, only to find Ben's face not next to her own. Rey looked up and saw him leaning over her, a curious and concerned look on his face.

“What's wrong?” She murmured, pushing some of the sleep from her eyes.

A sigh escaped from his lips and Ben relaxed. He flopped back onto the ground beside her.

“Just a strange dream,” he replied. “It woke me up.”

Rey tried for a moment to remember her dream. Something had been wrong with it, but the details were too fuzzy. She leaned in to kiss him. Whatever it was had passed now, and she found she enjoyed waking up to someone with her. Nights had always been the loneliest time for her.

“Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“No,” Ben squeezed her waist and kissed her with more vigor.

It didn't take him long for him to slide his hands down her body and try to continue, but Rey stopped him as he tried to remove her top.

“Don't...I should check on Finn and Rose.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“They'll be worried about me,” She chided. “They might come looking.”

He pulled her tighter. “I don’t care. Let them.”

Rey grabbed his arms and wrenched them off her. She sat up so he couldn't try it again. “No.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

“Because they don't trust you. It would just cause more problems for all of us if they found out,” She failed to restrain the bite in her tone.

“They don't matter, Rey,” he sat up. “Let them fend for themselves.”

Rey glared at him then stood.

“Those are my friends.”

Ben looked unmoved. “And?”

“This only works when it's just us, Ben. If they find out about us...If any part of our lives comes into this, then we’ll be forced to end it.”

Frustration began to simmer beneath his face.

“That's the only way this can work,” Rey continued. “Unless one of us changes...”

Rey exited the ship as quickly as she could. As she walked away, she heard a loud thunk from inside the hull. A tantrum, no doubt. A sigh escaped her lips as she hurried back toward the Resistance ship. She hadn't meant to fight with him, but Ben would have to be patient and wait for the right moment to be alone with her.

She found Rose and Finn curled up together on a makeshift bed. They were still clothed, but clearly hadn’t missed her company. Rey grabbed her top and put it on quickly before one of them woke up and saw her state of undress. Her modesty and the secret of how she spent the night secure, she decided to take a quick look at their broken ship.

Rose had managed some repairs to the power supply and the communications system worked, but the signal was just static. The navigation and anti-gravity systems were still a mess, which meant getting out of the jungle was days away. Rey briefly wondered if she could steal parts off Ben's ship to help their escape, but decided it would be too obvious. For a moment guilt stung at her heart, and she had to push back at it. Ben could manage on his own. His army wasn't under constant attack, whereas the Resistance needed every bit of luck and help they could get.

“I haven't gotten to work on the other systems yet.”

Rey jumped at the sound of Rose's voice.

“Sorry,” Rose laughed. Behind her, Finn reached his arms up and stretched.

“It's okay. It's only been a few days anyway,” Rey smiled.

Rose leaned over Rey's shoulder.

“Did you get any answers from him?” She whispered.

“A few. He doesn't open up easily,” Rey responded, trying not to sound any different than before.

Finn strode over to them and looked sleepily at the women.

“Breakfast?”

After a hearty meal of mashed gourd mixed with chunks of a sweet, yellow fruit, Rey decided to follow Finn and Rose as they gathered more food. Rose was determined to find something other than gourds to eat. The vegetables were plentiful, but they all agreed that they were getting a bit tired of them.

A few hours of searching left the trio hot and sweaty with no new options. The decision was made to stop along the river to refresh and catch fish. After splashing herself with water at the river's bank, Rey sat down to watch Rose and Finn wade deeper.

Her knees tucked under her chin, Rey wrapped her arms around her legs. With her eyes closed, she could hear the forest. There was so much life all around. So many different kinds of birds made their homes in the tree tops, some of them colors she never knew existed. She could sense some hunting for insects or tasty bites of fruit, while others called out for their mates or cared for their young. Down on the ground, millions of little insects rushed through fallen leaves and branches, consuming the detritus and allowing new saplings to grow. The river rushed wildly through the little valley, as it had for thousands of years, carving it's way through the rock. Miles away, a waterfall brought it down from the cliffs above to where it now ran.

After letting her mind come back to her immediate surroundings, Rey's thoughts began to wander elsewhere. Her body ached from the previous night, and at times she could almost feel Ben's hands moving across her skin. It tingled as she imagined all the new sensations she had learned. Rey pinched her arm to distract herself, and turned her focus to Rose and Finn.

She heard the change in noise just as she began to lift her head. Ben stood before her, holding some loose wires. His eyebrows raised in surprise as he realized the Force had connected them despite their close proximity.

“Where are you?” He asked softly. Rey's eyes darted toward Finn and Rose, then back up to his. She remained silent and tried to appear as if she was staring off into space. He studied her quietly, his jaw moving like it always did when he was a bit frustrated.

“You're with them?” Rey nodded quickly. If one of her friends managed to catch a glimpse, it would just look like she was falling asleep.

Ben put the wires down some place she couldn't see. He turned back to her, his gaze softening as his dark eyes took her in. Rey almost felt uncomfortable with it, having remembered their earlier argument.

“Come back to my ship.”

She glared up at him and turned her head away. Hopefully he got the message.

“Just to talk,” he replied calmly. “...Please.”

Him? Asking to talk with her? Rey knew this was unusual. Had he softened his heart further towards her and towards the Light? She glanced at him. Ben's fist clenched at his right side. He was always so controlled until anyone gave him the opportunity to burst into a fit of rage. Rey wondered if she could help him learn to pour that energy elsewhere.

She returned her gaze to Finn and Rose. They had managed to catch a fish and Finn pumped both his arms in the air in celebration. Rose leaned in for a quick kiss with him, and Rey had to turn her head when Finn panicked and looked back to make sure she hadn't see them. Even though they were clearly shy about being open with the relationship, their attitude was so carefree and confident. They had the power of knowing they would suffer little consequences, even if someone did see them. Rey ached with jealousy.

If she and Ben were caught, Rey knew it would be a whirlwind of anger and criticism. Her friends would rip them apart, and if they didn't kick her out of the Resistance entirely, they'd never trust her again. She hoped that she could change Ben before their worlds pushed them further away from each other, and that Finn and Rose could be convinced to trust him before this whole ordeal was over.

“Rey...” He called out to her again, bringing her back to the present.

“Soon,” she whispered. The Bond closed and sound flooded fully back into her ears.

Before Rey had been content to sit calmly and watch her friends, but now she was restless. She itched for the chance to get up and head back to his ship, to see him again. There had to be some way for her to leave without arousing suspicion, but she couldn't think of any. Rey bit her lip in frustration. Where had this come from? Just minutes ago, she was still cross with him.

Thankfully, Finn and Rose had caught enough fish for the rest of the day. They flopped around in a makeshift pack fashioned out of an emergency blanket as the three walked back to their camp. Rose kept bumping purposefully into Finn, which made him blush. As Rey trailed behind them, an eye still on the lookout for a new food source, she realized Rose wasn't as shy as Finn. She had realized Rey saw them curled up together. That formality done away with, her friend saw no more need to hide her affection for the former storm trooper.

Rey could feel the jealousy rising up the back of her throat again. They were only half way to camp, but time began to slow to an aching pace for Rey. She almost didn't notice Rose's giggling had stopped.

“What are you doing here?” Finn growled.

Rey looked up to see Kylo Ren in the middle of their path. He stood tall and intimidating before them. Panicked, Rey wondered if their conversation hadn't made their earlier argument worse. 

“I'm here for Rey. She is supposed to be repairing my ship.”

Finn glared at him. “Don't worry, she was just helping us all eat tonight, you included.”

Rey stepped forward and put a hand on Finn's arm.

“Let's not start a fight,” she chided.

Finn started forward, but Rose pulled him back this time. That gave Rey a chance to study Kylo Ren's face. He gave her a quick look, and Rey realized it was a bluff. Ben had come to look for her, and was now pretending to be the enemy once again to get her away from Finn and Rose. It was a desperate little move and it only stood to make matters worse between him and the others.

“Speaking of food,” Rey smiled as sweetly as possible at Ben. “It's almost time for lunch. Shall we all eat together?”


	6. My Supernova Shining Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, my deepest thanks go out to M for beta-reading my fic. You're great and I'm so happy we're friends.
> 
> You can find a PG-13 version of this fic here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12813612/6/Difficult-Truths

Lunch had been a spectacle. An immensely unhappy Finn had demanded that an equally dismayed Ben help prepare it, which meant having the two men dice up the gourds as they both shared a lack of any real cooking experience. Ben had fought back, but all it took was Rey mentioning how much faster the food would be ready if he helped, and he relented. Rose smirked as she gutted fish and handed them over to Rey to be skewered and placed over the fire. She was quite grateful that Rose had kept a cool head instead of trying to pick a fight. Even better had been Finn berating his former boss for not cutting the gourd small enough.

“Bite size! Man, how are you supposed to put that in your mouth?” She heard him shout at Ben. 

Rey snuck a peek at him then, and had to stifle a giggle at the miserable look on Ben's face. She noticed him looking up at her every once in a while with a pitiful grimace. Once, she made sure to make eye contact, just to torment him a little.

“Isn't this nice?” Her smile was as wide and bright as she could make it. 

Once everything had been cooked, he finished his meal quickly (but not so quickly that it seemed rude, Rey noticed), and stood to leave.

“Thank you for the meal. And the food before,” he said hurriedly. He looked toward Rey. “I'll see you at my ship.”

The remaining three watched him leave.

“Wow, he has manners,” said Rose with a tone of incredulity. “Who would have thought?”

Finally free to head back to Ben without needing to make an excuse, Rey decided to take her time polishing off the rest of her fish before excusing herself. She found his ship's door open and headed inside. He was hunched over on the chair, arms resting heavily on his knees, breathing hard in his anger. Once she was inside he stood and cornered Rey. His arm hit the wall beside her with a great thud. Rey didn't flinch. She knew what was coming. 

“What the hell was that?” Kylo Ren seethed. 

Rey looked at him coldly. “Punishment.”

The fist beside her head tightened in his rage. “What for?”

“For picking a fight with me this morning, and for trying to pick one with Finn just because you didn't get what you wanted.”

Kylo drew his face closer to hers, his teeth bared. “So?”

This constant fighting has to end, Rey thought. 

“How badly do you want me, Ben?” The change in her tone made him pause. 

“Do you know how badly I want to be with you?” Rey kept her gaze locked on him. “I can put aside how I feel about the First Order to make this work right here and now, but I can't do it if you keep causing trouble for me.”

She watched as the traces of the irritable Kylo Ren left his face and gentle Ben Solo returned in full. 

“All I need you to do is to accept that my friends are here,” Rey continued, her voice getting softer. “I have to be with them sometimes or they'll be upset and suspicious. And you can't fight with them.” 

His fist unfurled.

“If you want me as badly as I think you do, are you willing to do that for me?”

“Yes,” his voice cracked and he pressed his forehead to hers. “I'll do it for you.”

“Good...”

Rey ran her hands up his chest and to the back of his neck, then pressed her lips hard against his in a hungry kiss. Ben moaned and let her draw him in closer. He pushed his body against hers and Rey felt the cool steel hit her back.

He broke the kiss and began trail his lips down her neck. Rey gasped ever so slightly as his hands groped her ass, pulling her hips against the growing member between his legs. She inched her fingers up his shirt and felt him shiver as she grazed a nipple. He raised his head and their gazes locked. She almost thought it was a tender moment, until the next second when he looped his arm around her knees and lifted her off the ground like she was nothing but a twig.

Rey had barely yelped in protest before he spun around and deposited her into the pilot's chair. Ben crouched down before her and placed his hands on her hips just at the edge of her leggings. 

“Do you want me to?”

Rey nodded quickly. She could feel herself growing wet with anticipation and closed her eyes, imagining his fingers entering her, thumbing her clit, and making her come. She lifted her hips as Ben tugged off the clothes. There was no resistance when he ran a hand up her thigh and spread her legs, just an expectant shudder.

The shock of his tongue on her clit hit Rey like a wave of electricity. She made some inhuman noise and arched her back as her body writhed involuntarily. He licked her again and sent Rey into a fit of pleasurable shivers. It was so intense that she nearly wanted to push him off. She squeezed his arm and Ben moved her legs onto his shoulders, burying his mouth deeper into her folds. 

What are you doing to me? Rey wanted to say, but all that came out were whimpers and his name.

When he was sure that he had satisfied her, Ben stood. He wiped his lips with his thumb and let his eyes wander over her, still panting from the rush of orgasm. He started to undo his pants, readying himself for her, but Rey sat up and grabbed his member instead.

She smiled to see him so genuinely startled as she began to stroke him. He reached a hand down to stop her, but Rey moved it away before he could. It wasn't long before he was doubled over, gasping in the throes of his own pleasure just like she had been moments before. Rey grinned as her fingers encircled his head and he shuddered. The day before she had barely known what to do to please him, but now she was realizing just how much was possible. 

“Rey...” he whispered hoarsely into her ear, his hand gripping the edge of the seat. 

Moments later he came into her hand. Rey smiled and leaned in to kiss him. He twitched once more and she let him go. Ben gave her a stare so intense, she wondered if he was angry with her. 

Instead, he grinned. “You learn too quickly.”

“Glad you liked it,” she laughed.

Ben took her hands and pulled her off the seat. Rey noticed that he was already growing hard again as he kissed her neck and began to turn her around. 

“Bend over.”

Rey did as she was told, propping herself against the back of the chair even as she asked him, “What are you doing?”

He bit the back of her ear. “You'll see.”

His hands wandered over her bare hips. She felt his member press against her back as he pushed her legs open. 

Ben slid into her effortlessly. Her whole body stiffened with pleasure the further he went. It felt like his whole body was enveloping her, his hot breath against her neck, his hand guiding her hips to meet his, the other one entwining with her fingers as they gripped the seat's leather, his warm thighs meeting the back of her own. The Force began to crackle between them. 

After he began to pick up the pace, Rey found it was much easier to move her body to match him than the night before. At first it was a little awkward and her timing was off, but once she succeeded his moans spurred her on.

Giving him pleasure just increased her own, Rey realized. It quickly became like a game to them, each trying to send the other over the edge. She quickened her pace. Ben retaliated by teasing her clit to stop her movements, allowing him to thrust as hard and quick as he could. Rey closed her legs, making it more difficult for him to reach deep inside or play with her. 

Finally, he could hold out no longer. His hands gripped Rey's hips so tightly as he came, she wondered if he might accidentally bruise her. But soon Ben relaxed and sighed deeply in satisfaction. He straightened and leaned back against the console. Once she had righted herself, Rey stepped toward him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Did you enjoy that?” he asked, a mischievous smile flitting across his face.

“Yes,” her own grin growing wider. “But we're never going to fix your ship like this.”

Ben's eyebrows raised in delight.

“That wouldn't be so bad.” 

They spent the rest of the day trying very hard to focus on the ship's repairs instead of each other. Ben had protested again, saying he didn't mind staying here longer if it meant more time with her. But Rey convinced him that it would look suspicious if things did not progress at all.

A sense of calm fell over Rey as she tinkered with the power system. They had not spent time like this before, simply in each others' presence without needing to touch or to speak much. She learning that he liked to glance over at her every few minutes, just to take in her presence. Sometimes he would let his gaze linger over her longer, and she had to turn her head away so he wouldn't see her giggle and blush. Eventually her stomach rumbled and she suggested dinner, but not wanting to be victim again to Rey's earlier stunt, Ben declared he wasn't hungry and remained on the ship.

Finn and Rose had already finished their evening meal, so they gave Rey a quick update on the other ship's repairs.

“The biggest problem is the lack of windows,” Rose told her. “There's no way we can get off world. We'll have to find something that can whenever we escape.”

“Or we'll have to hide and wait it out until the Resistance can help us,” Finn added.

This did put them at a significant disadvantage, especially if they tried an escape before Ben's ship was fixed. Akiva was barely populated and finding the nearest town, let alone a decent ship, would be difficult. Rey contemplated letting Ben take them all back to the First Order, but she knew it was far too risky.

“Our only other option would be to steal Ben's ship.”

The other two looked at Rey funny at the use of his real name. She ignored it as best she could.

“We could take him prisoner,” she suggested. “We have his light saber.”

“Do you think you can take him?” asked Rose.

Rey bit her lip. If it meant their survival, she knew in her heart she'd do just about anything, but kidnapping Ben wasn't an option she had considered before. She had beaten him twice in a fight now, but holding him captive and keeping him in the midst of the Resistance would be far more tricky than just momentarily overpowering him. He would fight back just as much as she would, probably more. It wouldn't be beyond him to wipe out the entire base in the course of an escape.

“I don't even know how we'd keep him on Dagobah,” she started.

Finn scowled. “Why would we even do that? If we take him, we should just drop him somewhere and get the hell out!”

Rose nodded and Rey tried not to blush. Of course they would keep Ben away from the Resistance. They just needed his ship, not him.

“I just thought that maybe...”

Finn patted her shoulder. “Rey, it's really sweet that you want him to be good and all, but I really don't think he wants to be a nice person.”

“That's not important!” Rose suddenly chimed in. “He likes Rey, right? Maybe she can convince him to play along!”

Rey could feel the heat take over her face. Finn looked at Rey with suspicion.

“Does kind of seem like it. Do you think he likes you?” He asked her.

Rey nodded slowly, unable to look Finn in the eye. 

He paused for a long time.

“Huh. Maybe we can pull it off then.”

After more deliberation, they decided to try and get Ben to spend more time with the three of them. With any luck, they could start to get along over the course of the next few days, then ambush him when the ship was fixed. Finn would use Ben's light saber so Rey could focus on suppressing his Force powers. They would find a place to exchange ships and then another place where they could drop Ben. Secretly, Rey decided she would use that time to convince him to stay with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm looking for some music suggestions for my next Reylo fic. (It's going to be AU and there will definitely be karaoke involved.) Please send me all the music suggestions! Anything you think would fit one of the characters from this trilogy. 
> 
> Also if you on tumblr, you can say hi to me at @allaboutmanga. I've been using it a lot more again thanks to Reylo.


	7. But I'm Asking You, Will You Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to M for being my beta reader. I love your reactions to what I write <3

Rey hurried back to Ben's ship, two packets of food bundled in leaves tucked under her arm, hoping she didn't seem suspiciously late. When she entered the ship, he was sitting against the back wall of the ship, legs splayed, his wrists resting atop his knees, and his eyes closed. He didn't stir as she entered.

She dropped the food on the chair and sat across from him, staring without reservation. Rey's eyes lingered over his thick lips, the facial hair beginning to grow in around those lips. It had prickled her skin as they kissed earlier. She began to think of his hands along her body and the way the Force felt when he was inside of her.

“I thought you were hungry. You should eat.” His deep voice snapped her out the reverie. She looked up into his eyes, but they were still closed.

“I didn't want to disturb you.” A blush flashed across her cheeks. “I brought some food for you too.”

Ben opened his eyes then, raising an eyebrow at her. “Why? You should have eaten with the others.”

“I...thought we could eat together. Just the two of us.” Rey moved herself so she sat next to him against the wall and pushed one of the packets into his hands.  
Ben stared at it, a bit confused as to what to do with her and the food. Rey just moved closer to him, letting their shoulders touch, and dug in.

Ben sighed. “I really wasn't hungry.” But he opened up the leaf anyway.

“This is so much better than eating alone,” she responded in between bites. “I always ate alone on Jakku.”

“I'd rather eat alone,” There was a pause. “But it's fine if it's you.”

Rey picked at a piece of fish and it flaked apart in her fingers. “I wish I understood why you treat me so differently.”

Ben stopped chewing. “How do you mean?”

“You hated me,” Rey sighed. “And now, it's the opposite...”

His eyebrows raised. “I've never hated you.”

“That's not how it felt...When you tortured me, and in the forest when we fought.”

Ben put aside his food and caught her eyes with his. His face was stern. “Neither of those times had anything to do with you, Rey. You just happened to be caught up in it.”

“You didn't have to fight me,” Rey offered.

“You're the one who shot first.”

The two of them stared at each other in silence for a long moment, eyes locked and unwilling to back down.

“You nearly pushed me over the ravine,” she huffed.  
Ben's eyes softened into a sad look. “I never would have. I wanted to teach you about the Force.”

Rey knew that he was telling the truth, she could see it written plainly on his face. There was nothing hiding there, only a desperate pleading look for her to understand. She wished it was easier to.

“I don't know how to make you see, Rey,” he continued. “Taking you to Starkiller Base, fighting you...None of that had anything to do with how I feel about you.”

He took her hand and laced his fingers with hers, and Rey felt a part of her relax. She hadn't realized that she was tense.

“I've always wanted you by my side,” he whispered.

Rey rested her head against his shoulder. “I know.”

Ben ran his thumb against her hand. “If anything, I don't understand why you don't hate me still.”

Her next breath came in sharply, the sting of his words searing her lungs. He was right, she had hated him. She had hated him so much her anger had scared her. Sometimes, even when she acknowledged her longing, she still loathed him. But as much as she wanted to keep hating him, he had shattered every judgment she had made about him. Where she thought there was only irredeemable evil, she had found pain and regret and humanity. Their curiosity for each other had taken over and led them here, to this world and a place where they could be together for now.

She exhaled. “I don't know if I can explain it.”

“The Bond?”

Maybe it was the Bond, but Rey hated to think that Snoke had brought them together when just talking to Ben had changed her perspective so much. But that wouldn't have happened without Snoke's interference either. It was easier to think that it was the will of the Force. She nodded and he squeezed her hand.

“Ben…” she started to say shyly.

“What is it?”

“I want to know more about you…” Rey shifted herself so she could look into his eyes. “Will you tell me?”

Ben’s eyebrows raised in surprise. She wondered how long it had been since someone asked him such a question because his voice grew quiet. “What do you want to know?”

Multitudes of half thoughts spilled into her mind. There had always been so much Rey wanted to ask. All she could remember were all the painful questions and barbs that hung between them. None of them were the things she wanted to know right now. She was certain there was more beyond the persona he put on with the First Order.

“What do you do when you’re...not working?”

Ben seemed confused by the question. He opened his mouth several times to speak, only to close it again, his lips pressing themselves into a tight and troubled line.

The Supreme Leader probably doesn’t have much free time, Rey thought, kicking herself for not realizing it sooner.

“What...do you like to do?” She tried.

His eyes turned away from hers, deep in thought for a moment. “I used to write, but I haven’t done it in a very long time.”

Writing was something Rey did not have much experience with. Some kindly old woman had once taught her and the other scavenger children their letters, but she didn’t have much use for it aside from keeping a record of her finds and what Unkar Plutt had paid her for them.

“What kind of things did you write?”

He flushed slightly. “Mostly poetry, calligraphy.”

Rey smiled. It sounded exactly like him. She could almost see him lashing out wild strokes over a page. “What else? What were you like as a boy?”

This time his pause was much more troubled. It was as if Rey could feel the waves of anger begin to rise up and overcome him. Ben’s grip on her fingers tightened and she saw that his other hand had clenched into a fist. Not knowing what else to do, she reached out and touched his cheek, stroking her thumb over the ridges of his scar. His eyes turned back to her, flared with inner fury, but beginning to cool.

“You don’t have to answer,” her brow twisted with concern.

He sighed and leaned into her hand. His grip on her relaxed. “I'm sorry. It's...”

“Don't be,” Rey kept stroking his cheek. “It's okay. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”

He closed his eyes. “You deserve to know.”

Rey kissed his hand then. “I can wait. I...just want to be closer to you. That's all.”

Ben pulled his hand from hers. For a moment Rey thought he might be angry with her for prying, but then he wrapped it around her shoulder and pulled her in. He buried his nose in her hair. Rey had noticed how he particularly liked doing that and gave a little grunt of contentment.

“I don't know if I can do that without making everything worse,” he whispered. His voice was so sweet when he let it get soft like that. “And I don't want this to end yet.”

Rey nodded. She'd give almost anything to just let the outside world drop away and leave them alone. As much as she loved her friends, as much as she loved how much they made her feel like she had a family, the war with the First Order was exhausting. Seeing people die was horrifying. Having to constantly run for her life was a kind of stress not even Jakku had prepared her for. All she wanted was for the galaxy to stop its endless fighting and let her be with the people she loved.

They had been silent a very long time, just curled up against each other, lost in their own thoughts, when Ben pulled away from her and rose to his feet.

“I'm going to go for a walk,” he said.

Rey gave him a curious look. “A walk?”

“I need to think.”

She knew what the answer was before she asked, but she had to know. “Can I go with you?”

Ben looked at her with a strange sadness she didn't quite understand. “No.”

There was no questioning it, his tone was too strict. It almost sounded like Kylo Ren's voice ordering her around. Rey turned her head away, not wanting to look him in the eye and see someone else there. Her heart squeezed in pain. Before this she had always been the one to choose to leave his side. Even if it was just to keep up appearances in front of Rose and Finn, it had given her a sense of power. Like she had control of all the emotions that boiled within her. Now he had turned that on its head and she felt lost.

It surprised her when he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

“I won't be gone long,” he said.

She looked up, but he had already turned to leave and was gone a moment later. Everything grew quiet and Rey found her thoughts catching up to her. Part of her knew that he just needed a bit of space and nothing was really wrong. Another part wanted to give in to tears and the fear that he would shut her out. Her legs grew numb and she knew she couldn't stand to be in the Silencer alone any longer. She stumbled outside, looking toward the Resistance ship. Finn and Rose were asleep for the night, and Rey felt relieved she would not have to face them in her current state.

The camp fire was still lit, though it was mostly embers. Rey placed a few logs into the center and sat before it. At first, she tried to clear her mind. Ben would not shut her out just because she wanted to be closer to him, she thought. But doubt pulled at her heart the more she let her mind wander. He hated his past. The pressure of her wanting to know it could be too much. Her head throbbed and Rey pulled at one of her hair buns, releasing it from its tie to ease the pain.  
The night felt like it might stretch on forever until Rey realized the logs hadn't caught and the cold mists had begun to surround her. Concentrating, Rey sat up straight and focused her mind on the fire. She began to explore each tiny crevice of the wood for an opportunity. As soon as a spark drifted upward, she pushed on the Force and encouraged it to get stronger and stronger. It wasn't much longer before the fire spat and crackled back at her, the warmth comforting her skin. Watching the flames so long had made her eyes tired, and she laid down on an emergency blanket that had been left out. She dreamed of nothing.

Rey awoke as someone gently lifted her off the ground. She opened her eyes to find Ben carrying her in his arms.

“Ben...?”

“Sorry I woke you,” he half smiled in apology. “You shouldn't sleep out here alone.”

She pressed her head against his chest and closed her eyes, happy to just have him near again. Once they entered the ship, he put her down on his cloak and laid down beside her. Ben stroked her cheek.

“When I was little, I wanted to be a pilot. Like my father.” He said softly.

Relief flooded through Rey's tired mind. He hadn't pushed her away completely. She wasn't alone again.

“Really?”

“I didn't know what else people did for a living,” Ben chuckled and pulled her close. She took a deep breath, enjoying his smell and the feel of him.

“I wanted to be a pilot too, so I could leave Jakku one day,” Rey sighed. It sounded so depressing when she said it out loud.

“You got your wish then,” he murmured, his voice growing sleepier.

Rey had never quite thought of it like that. Yes, she had flown herself away from Jakku, and the Resistance used her to pilot missions. But it was not quite the life she had envisioned, let alone one she had fully chosen. Somehow she had missed that her childhood dream had actually been fulfilled.

She smiled. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

Sleep came for her shortly after that, and Rey fell into a dream. Once again she was holding Ben, the dark substance covering him. But this time it glowed strangely with a deep black intensity and didn't move away when she ran her hand down his arm. The substance pulled her into Ben. She didn't resist it.

Happiness coursed through him. At first, Rey thought it might be because they were so close until she felt it bubble. She heard laughter, the excited giggle of a child. She turned her head to look, until she realized the noise was coming from her and before her was a much younger Leia Organa. Then young Ben was scooped up in his mother's arms and smothered in a tight hug.

The memories continued to flow through Rey as if they were her own. They started off normally. A happy boy who adored his family and all the people who came to visit them. The world was still full of wonder and adventure, and Ben wanted to explore all of it. But slowly darkness began to creep into his life. There were bad dreams and wild tantrums. His parents had one too many whispered conversations that ended the moment they noticed his presence, and made him fret.

Most days it like he was always walking on the edge of the cliff. One wrong move and everyone would hate him. So many people did already. He barely had friends at school any more, just bullies and people who didn't bother. Mother always seemed worried about him, even on days when he was good and not bad. Father was always too busy. Working and working and working, and fighting with Mother when he was home.

Ben was almost never happy. If he wasn't sad or lonely, he was paranoid. He began wondering just how much of an act people put up around him, even his own parents. They always seemed a little too happy to catch him in a decent mood. That just made him feel worse. What kind of terrible person was he that his own family needed to act in order to placate them? And what exactly had he done that was so awful? Ben knew his temper was bad, but he couldn't think of anything he'd done that deserved such distance.

He tried so very hard to be perfect and not to let his parents down. He failed often, and hated himself for it. Ben didn't know how to reassure them, or how to gain their trust. His rages started whenever he failed. Everything overwhelmed him, and he lashed out with the need to destroy his mistakes and start again. But by the time he calmed down, he had only made things worse.

Time passed and little had improved. Ben grew more destructive as his Force abilities grew stronger. Mother made the decision to send him off with Luke to study the Jedi ways, and fought bitterly over it with Han. It was the most he had seen of his father in many months, and Ben hated that most of that time was spent angry at each other. But then again, his parents hadn't been happy together in a long time.

Thankfully, training with his uncle proved fruitful. Ben never quite got rid of the bad dreams or his temper, but they lessened. Learning, working, and practicing constantly helped him focus his mind elsewhere, or at least distract and exhaust him.

Everyone was proud of him now. Luke, his father, but his mother especially so. Her face beamed with it whenever they spoke. It was a relief for Ben. He tried his best to keep the darkness that remained away from his uncle's prying Force abilities. Of course, Luke was far too powerful for Ben to hide everything, but his master usually just chided him to remove himself of all personal and emotional attachments. The Jedi had little use for practitioners who could not maintain the balance. It worked for a while. Luke grew his temple, and Ben began to teach some younger padawans basic forms. Things worked. The Force made sense to Ben, and he was something close to happy.

He was well on the path to becoming a Jedi Master alongside his uncle, when the news about Luke and Leia's true parentage surfaced on the Holonet and Ben learned he was Darth Vader's grandson. The shock rippled through the temple and erupted in him like a wildfire. It became much harder to keep all the doubts and the voices at bay no matter how hard he trained. Why had they kept it from him? Was that why his parents whispered about him? Was his dark heritage the source of his anger and his strangeness? Was this why everyone treated him like a bomb waiting to detonate?

It was not long after that when Ben found Luke hovering over him one night, lightsaber drawn and fear in his eyes. The world crystallized in that moment and Ben realized that finally it had turned on him. He had fought so long for acceptance, to reach the Light, and now he knew he could never win that battle.

It did not take him more than a second to draw his own lightsaber and block his uncle's attack. He was almost surprised at how quickly he turned. Luke had always said that fear was the path to the Dark Side, but Ben hadn't quite believed him. Yet the man was now buried underneath the rubble of his hut, and Ben finally understood what had eluded him for most of his life. The galaxy held simply held no hope of happiness for a boy with darkness running through his blood.

Somehow, luck perhaps, there were other padawans in the Temple who took his side. He cringed at having to kill the ones that didn't, just as he cringed when he realized he must have killed his uncle. It was the thought of his mother that sent him into a deep depression. She had always tried very hard to give him what she could. It had never quite been what Ben needed, but she had meant well. He hated to have been the one to kill her only remaining family. He mourned for the love she gave him, sure it would never reach him again, but his anger still flared at the thought of all the secrets she had kept from him.

It did not take Ben long to find Snoke, or to cast off his old name. He did not feel very much like Ben Solo anymore, and his new master had little need for the man he had been. It was easy to slip into the mask of Kylo Ren, and even easier to find some solace with a new avenue of discipline, training, and control. Doing Snoke's dirty work became second nature. It wasn't too hard to suppress the rest of his emotions most of the time.

The First Order and its mission was not his prerogative until Snoke gifted him with the remains of Darth Vader's helmet. Kylo Ren had accepted it hesitantly, the pain of his family's betrayal still burning within his veins, and was overwhelmed by a Force Vision.

Afterward, still shocked by what he had seen, Kylo Ren had realized he was meant to continue his grandfather's vision. Like Vader, he had been betrayed, like Vader, he had become disillusioned with the New Republic's inability to bring peace. A strong hand was just about the only thing that stilled the riotous masses of the galaxy. If fear and violence was what it took to bring balance, then so be it.

And so it had gone until Kylo Ren continued his search for an errant white and orange BB-series droid on Takodana. He had stepped into its forests to chase after it, a relatively simple mission despite the complications. And then he met the girl.

Rey realized she was staring at herself on Takodana, chased by the fearful, masked thing she had just encountered. But an intense light surrounded her and made her radiant. She felt Kylo Ren nearly stop himself, surprised at her brightness until she had let loose another blaster shot, and his instincts kicked in.

_Stop._

Rey watched herself laying unconscious and helpless in the torture chamber on Starkiller Base. He was studying her, trying to figure out the source of her light. Who was this woman and why did she possess such power? He was inexplicably drawn to her. Too curious for his own good.

  
_STOP._

In spite of his botched mind probe, Kylo Ren knew he wanted Rey now. He would teach her the ways of the Force, and together they would bring the balance the galaxy so needed. Together... Would someone like her even want to apprentice with him?

_GET OUT._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh this was such a hard chapter to write. I had to read both movie novelizations before I felt comfortable writing. And then they released The Last Shot right as I was wrapping it up. Argh. Guess I know what I'm reading next. 
> 
> Anyway, if you want to find me on tumblr, I'm @allaboutmanga
> 
> And I promise the next chapter will be up a lot sooner! :D


	8. Cause Even in Darkness There's Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation in the jungle takes a turn for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to @SilverCherie for beta-ing this fic. Have fun on your trip! <3
> 
> I'm posting this now because if I don't you won't see an update forever. I hope I can get another in before Fanime, but my staff duties may consume my free time. Hahahahhahahahhahahahaha. *flop*
> 
> Please show me your love via comments~ I didn't get any last chapter!

_GET OUT._  
  
The force of his body slamming against hers pulled Rey out of the vision. Kylo Ren hovered over her, his face twisted with unspeakable rage.  
  
"That wasn't for you to see!" He hissed, his teeth bared.  
  
Tears formed at the corners of her eyes as the the weight of his life surged through her conscious mind. She tried to open her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a pathetic sob. His face contorted with confusion as tears began to stream down her face. Rey felt him lean back on his knees, releasing her from his grasp. She gripped his shirt and tried to look at him without her vision being filled with water.  
  
“B-Ben,” her voice wavered.  
  
“Let go of me!” Kylo Ren snapped. He pulled himself up and off the floor, still looking disgusted at her.  
  
“I'm s-”  
  
“DON'T SPEAK TO ME!” The words felt like a dagger plunging into Rey's heart.  
  
“I'm sorry,” she whispered, scared that he would unleash his rage at her again, but he was already gone.  
  
Rey closed her eyes. The world felt so heavy with the burdens of two souls within her. The tears wouldn't cease. There were so many times he had wanted to cry, but willed himself to stop. So much sadness that was kept hidden. He thrived in the Dark Side only because it didn't reject him, like so many people in his life had.  
  
And now... Now she had become yet another that hurt him. How could she have been so stupid?  
  
Gravity felt like it was trying to crush her very being as she left the Silencer and headed back towards the transport ship. Rey wasn't quite sure how she was upright, let alone moving, but quiet panic compelled her to seek out her friends. Finn took one look at her and scooped her up into a gentle hug. Rose looped her arm around Rey's and laced their fingers together. The three of them lay where she had crumpled to the ground, Rose tenderly rubbing her back until Rey couldn't cry anymore.  
  
When she quieted, they wrapped her in a blanket and sat close on either side of her. They asked nothing until she broke the silence.  
  
“I've ruined everything.”  
  
Rose immediately sprung into action and wrapped her arms around Rey. “No, no, no, whatever happened, I'm sure it'll be okay.”  
  
“Our plan won't work now,” Rey said, trying to bite back the fear that swelled up with every word. “We'll have to find some other way out of here.”  
  
Finn gave her a cautious look. “What happened?”  
  
Rey was quiet a long time before answering. She had never quite given her friends all the details about the Bond she shared with Ben.  
  
“I saw all his memories. Almost everything up until we met. In a dream.”  
  
Finn's brow raised in surprise.  
  
“Master Luke did something similar once. That's what pushed...Ben to the Dark Side.”  
  
Rey's veins went cold as the magnitude of her mistake dawned on her anew. Of course he had been furious. The only thing she hadn't done was stand over him with her lightsaber drawn, ready to kill. And if that had pushed him to serve Snoke, what would her betrayal do to him? How would he retaliate? Visions of him attacking Finn and Rose flashed into her mind and pushed bile into her throat.  
  
“I didn't mean to,” she wailed, wishing he was there to hear it.  
  
Finn and Rose rushed to comfort her, but Rey curled up into a sobbing ball. It was only natural. His temper wouldn't allow her to go unpunished. He would crush everyone and everything she loved, and then leave her desperately alone, without even the strange comfort of his presence in the Force.

It was Finn who finally snapped her out of it. He squeezed her shoulder firmly to the point where it hurt.  
  
“C'mon, let's think of a new plan.”  
  
Rose quickly decided that it was pointless to steal parts from the broken TIE Silencer to repair their own ship. It would take too long, even with her and Rey working together as fast as possible. Kylo Ren could find them and attack. They started packing what few things they had as well as supplies to attempt to scale the tall cliffs. One of them suggested that Rey might be able to use the Force to help them get up, considering the feat she pulled on Crait. She wasn't as sure.  
  
In what seemed like only minutes -time was moving strangely for Rey- they were in the dense jungle, making their way across a shallow stretch of river. Finn and Rose held Rey tight as they waded through. For a second, she wished the water would swallow her up again and let her drown. It would be far easier than the pain of reality. She tried to push the thought from her mind, but it lingered even after the river was far behind them.  
  
They followed the cliff wall as best they could, with Rose keeping an eye out for any change in the rock face that might allow for an ascent. Finn would occasionally pop into a cave to see if that offered a chance to hide or climb out, but they were mostly abandoned animal dens or dangerously deep caverns.  
  
To Rey it all seemed like an aggravating blur. Her limbs ached for no reason, making every step a chore. Her mind just wanted to find a place to sit and shut down. Nothing was more enticing than to just curl up and not pay attention to the world anymore.  
  
After an hour of searching, the valley walls gave them no openings. Rose stopped them to share a meal she'd cooked earlier while they discussed strategy.  
  
“Maybe we should have just stolen the ship parts,” Rose sighed, as she sat with her back against a tree. Rey had chosen a spot next to her. “Probably should have done that to begin with.”  
  
“He would have noticed,” Rey murmured, blinking back some tears that formed at the thought of Ben.  
  
“Our best bet is probably the underground caverns,” Finn said as he sat down across from the women. “They looked pretty big. We could use one as a base until we find a way out.”  
  
“That seems like a terrible idea, Finn.” Rose had been creeped out by the darkness and stale air.  
  
“Yeah, but it would make us hard to find.”  
  
Rey just tucked her head into her knees and closed her eyes, not ready to care where they went or how they got there. She missed the two ships descending overhead until the noise came down upon them.  
  
“First Order,” she heard Finn say. “Storm trooper transports and a command shuttle.”  
  
Rose's eyes widened. She reached for Rey's hand. Finn was already on his feet and ducking under the trees.  
  
“They probably didn't see us. We need to get into those caves.”  
  
Rey felt Rose pull her up. The ships were headed in the direction of the crash site.  
  
“There goes my stupid plan,” Rose said dryly.  
  
Finn turned to say something, but Rey didn't hear it. The sound had gone out. She turned her head to the side, and there was Kylo Ren standing there, his body tense and eyes panicked. Rey felt her throat dry up.  
  
“I'm coming to you now.”  
  
She looked at him curiously. Had he been watching them? The sound came rushing back in. Finn had leaned in toward her. “Rey, are you okay?”  
  
Her heart began to race and blood rushed into her brain. “He's coming.”  
  
It didn't take long for Rose and Finn to react. They each grabbed one of her arms and started off toward the nearest cavern. She nearly resisted, but there was no time to argue.  
  
“We have to find the deepest part and hide there,” she started babbling. “I can seal us in. We have food.”  
  
Rose looked at her anxiously and turned back to Finn.  
  
“First we have to get there,” he said, but the stress on his face was deepening.  
  
Finally they found one of the caverns that Finn had explored. There was a drop into the first part, which Finn jumped into and then motioned for the others to follow. Rey threw her pack down and was about to ease herself down the ledge when suddenly she heard Kylo Ren's booming voice.  
  
“Rey!”  
  
It was too close to run.  
  
He appeared at the edge of the trees, breathless. His large chest rising and falling noticeably even under the deep black of his clothing. Was he so determined to catch them and exact his revenge? She thought she saw a trace of Ben's vulnerability on his face, but it was quickly replaced with Kylo's stern glare. A wave of icy fear ran through her stomach.  
  
But his voice wasn't angry, just demanding.  
  
“Come with me. Now.”  
  
Her hand gripped his lightsaber as she stood to face him. Where was his rage from before? Why didn't he attack her?  
  
“I don't want to,” she said through gritted teeth.  
  
“We made a deal.”  
  
“That was when I was sure you wouldn't hurt me,” Rey snapped.  
  
His expression turned troubled. “I won't hurt you. Or your friends. I want to protect you.”  
  
“I don't believe you.”  
  
He looked away from her, and Rey could see him try to control his emotions. Of course he was still mad, she had violated his mind and what little trust he shared with her. She turned to Rose, and saw her troubled look. Finn suddenly leapt from the cave and placed himself between Rey and Kylo Ren, trying to offer Rey what protection he could.  
  
“Rey doesn't want to go with you,” Finn growled. “Leave us alone. Leave her alone.”  
  
In that moment the facade dropped from Kylo Ren's face and Ben's pain spread across it. The instantaneous change confused Rey. Ben should have attacked her, but he didn't. His eyes were too full of regret when they should have been all fury.  
  
“I can't,” Ben said softly.  
  
“Why not?” Finn crossed his arms.  
  
“Because now they've seen your ship! They're going to start looking for you as well as me,” Ben spat out.  
  
“And whose fault is that?” Rose snapped back. “You're the one who made us crash!”  
  
Ben's fists clenched and Rey saw him struggle again to control his ire.  
  
“I didn't call them here, if that's what you're thinking,” he huffed. “I'm surprised General Hux even sent a damn search party.”  
  
Finn made an annoyed noise. “You're the Supreme Leader now. Why wouldn't your officers look for you?”  
  
Ben looked just about ready to choke him. He stayed quiet for a long moment instead.  
  
“If Rey comes with me, I can tell them that she was the only one on board. They won't even bother looking for you.” Ben paused again, fighting to find the right words.  
  
“Rey would be under my protection once she's brought aboard my ship. No one will harm her if I forbid it” He flung an arm in Rey's direction. “She'll be safe. You'll be safe. Unless you have a better idea?”  
  
Finn grimaced. Rey could tell he wanted to have something he could throw back at Ben just to spite the other man, but there was nothing. There was no other idea that wouldn't end in them foolishly risking their lives in an unfamiliar jungle while nearly getting themselves killed by the First Order. Even if they did get out of the valley, they wouldn't know where to go for help. The galaxy was a ruthless place like that. Rey took a step toward Ben, her resolve deepening by the second.  
  
“You're not going to hurt me?”  
  
“No.” His eyes caught hers and burned Rey with their determination.  
  
“And you won't let anyone else hurt me?”  
  
“You have my word.”  
  
“Then I'll go if you help Finn and Rose get a chance to escape,” she replied. “Once we're on board, you'll make the First Order leave this star system immediately so the Resistance can rescue them.”  
  
Ben nodded. “Of course.”  
  
Rey turned to her friends. Finn obviously didn't want her to go, and was still trying to think of another way to save them as concern pooled in his face. Rose's expression was more stern, silently asking her “are you sure?” She reached out to them and they rushed into her arms.  
  
“Rey,” Finn started. “Are you going to be okay?”  
  
“Whatever happens, I can handle it.”  
  
Rose's fist gripped Rey's top. “You shouldn't have to put your life on the line for us.”  
  
Rey smiled, though her face was buried in Finn's shoulder. “It's okay. I want to do this. Just hide and don't come out until you're sure the First Order is gone.”  
  
She let them go and turned toward Kylo Ren, afraid to look back at her friends. There had been the beginnings of tears in their eyes, and she knew she wouldn't be able to keep her emotions in check if she saw them so distraught and worried.  
  
Kylo Ren kept his eyes on her until she reached his side, then he spun quickly and headed into the forest. They walked in silence towards the clearing as Rey's mind started reeling with new nightmares where he would break his promises. Did she really know what the new Supreme Leader do when reunited with the First Order? Did the Bond mean anything to him anymore?  
  
“Ben?”  
  
He stopped and looked down at her. He seemed calm, not angry, but was perhaps just keeping it in check until the right moment.  
  
“I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for earlier.” She couldn't help but turn her eyes away from his. “I didn't mean to do it. I didn't know I was even doing it!”  
  
She saw his fists clench before he spoke. “It doesn't matter now. It's over.”  
  
There was a waver in his voice that she did not expect. Rey raised her head only to see Ben's face marred by torment. Silence fell over them for a moment and the noise of the jungle took over. She wanted to cup his face in her hands and kiss away whatever pain he was feeling. But there was no denying that with the faint squawks of storm trooper chatter approaching, she would have no chance.  
  
“I'm sorry,” she repeated quietly.  
  
“Don't apologize.” He inhaled sharply. “If anything, I should apologize to you.”  
  
“Why? You have every right to be angry at me.”  
  
“Not about that.” His face twisted in pain again. “I told General Hux that you were the one who killed Snoke.”  
  
Rey's eyes widened at his confession. The First Order thought she had killed Supreme Leader Snoke. No wonder they had hunted the Resistance so fiercely since that day on Crait.  
  
“Why?” Anger began to take hold of her. She crossed the short distance between them and grabbed Ben's shirt. “Why would you tell him that?!”  
  
Ben closed his eyes, his brow furrowed. “Because you left! There was nothing else I could say!”  
  
“You could have told him the truth!” Rey growled. “That you did it!”  
  
“I would have never been accepted as the Supreme Leader if I had told them the truth!” He paused -angry, but not slipping into Kylo Ren's rage. “...that I killed him so he wouldn't hurt you.”  
  
His bottom lip trembled, as if he was about to say more. Instead Rey saw his anger slip away and turn into defeat. She loosened her grip on his shirt, unsure of what he would do next. His shoulders slumped and his head lowered in shame.  
  
“When I woke up, you weren't there, but Hux was,” he continued. “And I...thought you hated me.”  
  
“That doesn't make it any better!” She let go of him with a swift, angry motion. “I left because my friends were being massacred by the First Order and you wouldn't stop them from being killed. You knew that!”  
  
Ben said nothing in response. She watched for some sign of acknowledgment, but he only ground his mouth in frustration, whatever thoughts he had not turning into the right words to soothe her. He was looking for an excuse. Rey was foolish to think she had any real sway over Ben, that their connection would mean he'd act with her in mind. It was becoming clearer and clearer that he only did when she was within his reach. It stung, not only that she mattered so little to him, but that he had turned against her only moments after she left him on the Supremacy.  
  
“Now what?” Rey continued, bile rising in the back of her throat. “Am I to be executed for my supposed crimes? Did you lie to me?”  
  
His head snapped up, eyes wide with fear. “No! Rey, I will do anything to keep you from harm. Really, I mean that!”  
  
Rey stepped back a few paces, nearly turning her back to him completely. “I think I'll take my chances with Finn and Rose.”  
  
Ben reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her towards him again. “Rey!”  
  
“Let me go!” She insisted with a snarl. “Don't touch me!”  
  
He caught her eyes, his intense stare fixated on her yet again. “Rey, I want you by my side. You know that! I wouldn't hurt someone I cared so much about.”  
  
Yet again, the temptation was there. Rey could admit that much to herself. She wasn't sure what she wanted from her life anymore within all the chaos of war, but Ben by her side was one of those few things she clung to now. If only he wasn't the very center of the First Order, of the Dark Side itself, Rey might be able to find peace next to him. If only. The galaxy didn't seem to have time for such petty dreams.  
  
"You don't get to say that after you betrayed me!”  
  
Ben winced and grew quiet, his face tense again. Finally he twisted his mouth in determination and spoke again.  
  
“You left!” His eyes had grown wet. “You betrayed me too! I thought you would help me like you said! But you just left!”  
  
So that's how he saw it. Bitterness seeped into her next words. “You didn't want me to help you, Ben. You just wanted me to join you.”  
  
His lips returned to a tight line. The tears had fallen over his broad cheeks and it reminded her of that day on the Supremacy when he'd reached his hand out to her a second time. In the present, however, he called his lightsaber to him with barely a flick of his wrist.  
  
“I'm taking you back to the First Order,” he stated, his eyes turning dark and blank. “It's the best way to keep you safe, even if I did accuse you of murdering Snoke. I'll protect you until you manage to escape.”  
  
He grabbed her wrist again, more forcefully this time.  
  
“You can hate me all you want for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love! Also you can find me on tumblr @allaboutmanga where I reblog a lot of really weird shit that isn't necessarily Reylo, and also some Reylo.


	9. For Now I'll Pretend, I'm Holding Your Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is taken into captivity on the Finalizer and must learn the new rules for her survival.

It wasn't long before they ran into a battalion of Storm Troopers, who quickly stood at attention at the sight of their master.

“Where's General Hux?” Kylo snapped. 

He pushed her roughly into the hands of two of the white-suited soldiers who were very clearly not expecting to escort a prisoner this soon. They fumbled with their weapons and Rey briefly debated trying to fight her way out of this. There wouldn't have been any point to it, but it would have made her feel better. Then she remembered that they were all people under there -people like Finn- and decided against it. She let herself be led to the clearing, which was now crowded with ships and First Order troops.

Kylo Ren strode towards a set of uniformed officers that had huddled next to the command shuttle. Her guards followed him at a considerable distance, overwhelmingly wary. The first officer to look up was startled by Kylo's appearance, he bowed swiftly and the others around him fell into the same position of deference except one man.  
Thick red hair poked out of the back of the man's cap, and Rey guessed it was Armitage Hux even before he had even turned and cocked an eyebrow at them. His skin was paler than she'd ever seen on another human and it made him look haunting and vile.

“Hux,” Kylo's voice was dripping with anger. 

“Supreme Leader, glad to see you're alive and well,” Hux responded flatly. 

Suddenly the man was thrown into the air and smashed against the side of the command shuttle. His fellow officers jumped back in fear. Rey felt both the storm troopers holding her arms flinch.

“I'm surprised you even bothered to look for me, Hux,” he seethed. “Who had to remind you to do it?”

Though every part of him was pressed tight against the metal wall, Hux lifted his head. 

“With all due respect, Supreme Leader, we did begin a search after we lost your ship's signal. We just thought you had gone out of range, not...crashed.” 

Kylo growled in response and threw his lightsaber into the hull only inches from Hux's head. The man didn't respond.

“I see you found the girl,” Hux continued, turning his eyes toward her but keeping an even tone. “Shall I call down an execution trooper?” 

She saw Kylo Ren tense. Hux dropped from his place on the side of the ship and took a deep breath. 

“She's not to be harmed,” Kylo ordered. “Put her in one of the diplomatic quarters and keep it on lockdown.” 

The ginger curled a lip in disgust, finally showing some kind of emotion. “Why would we do that? This girl murdered Supreme Leader Snoke!”  
“I am your Supreme Leader! Do as I command you to!” Kylo growled. 

“Either way, it's not possible. The diplomatic quarters are full. You had meetings with our allies scheduled for these past few days, if you recall. They've been waiting.”

Kylo Ren turned to look at her. Rey almost thought she saw him slip into Ben for a split second. “An empty officer's room then.”

“Those are also full hosting the excess crew of the Supremacy, sir,” Hux stated. “Many of them have been converted into dormitories. The brig, however...”  
“Fine. An isolation cell.” 

“That seems far more appropriate for a piece of Rebel scum who has eluded us twice before,” Hux huffed.

“Restrict access to her cell. No one is allowed in except myself and medical personnel, if there's an emergency.”

“Of course, sir,” Hux replied.

“Let her have a shower, fresh clothing, and a hot meal first,” Kylo Ren continued. Rey lifted her eyebrows in surprise, but was grateful. It sounded almost heavenly.  
“That sounds rather...generous for a prisoner.” 

Kylo glared at the other man. 

“But I will make sure it is done.” 

After a few more terse words between the two, the Supreme Leader demanded they return to the Finalizer immediately. Rey was led onto the command ship -Kylo Ren insisted this was to ensure she could not escape- and strapped into a seat. He looked back at her once, and she nearly missed it until one of her guards shifted uncomfortably, thinking the stare was meant for him. The ship lifted off the ground and he returned his attention to Hux. Rey thought she saw regret on his face.

When they landed on the Star Destroyer, the contingent of officers followed Kylo Ren down the ramp and down a hall. Two uniformed women were waiting for her as Rey exited the ship. They each gave her disdainful looks and grasped her arms too tightly as they shoved her into a turbolift. Once the machine got underway, they started chattering away.

“Who is this filthy piece of scum that Supreme Leader Ren found?” The blonde officer, the shorter of the pair, sneered. 

The other woman, a tall brunette with alarmingly green eyes, snickered. “Maybe she's going to become his plaything.” 

Rey felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment, and lowered her head. Even though she knew it wasn't the truth, they were a little too close to it. At least they hadn't realized she was the one blamed for Snoke's death. It was a relief when they focused on her ragged appearance instead.  
The painful moment stretched, but soon they arrived at the ship's medical bay where Rey was unceremoniously stripped by a medical droid, examined, and then led into a shower. The warm water felt so marvelous that Rey almost forgot where she was and began to enjoy it. Dirt from the planet dripped away and her skin began to feel soft again. She had tried to keep clean, and the river had helped, but soap was far more effective. The announcement system called out the jump to hyperdrive and she instinctively shot out a hand to brace herself before it knocked her off her feet. 

“Hurry it up, scum!” One of the women shouted into the doorway. 

Rey took a moment longer with her head under the water before pressing the button that turned it off. The door opened and the medical droid waited with a towel and a prison uniform in each arm. Once she dressed, the officers pushed her down more elevators and hallways until they reached they reached her cell.

It was barren aside from a metal bunk built into the wall. Thankfully, the bed was fitted with a thin mattress and blanket. On it sat a tray of uninteresting food. Markings on the wall indicated where a toilet and sink would come out when pressed. There was nothing else in it. Rey absentmindedly wondered what she could use to tally the days she'd spend in here.

“Enjoy your stay, Miss!” One of the officers chimed with an overly cheerfully tone. 

The last thing Rey heard was the women's laughter as the door closed. She balled up a fist in frustration, but didn't feel like breaking her knuckles on the chrome walls. At least she was clean. At least there was food. Her finger dipped into something green and brought a chunk to her mouth. The processed food tasted more amazing than it should have been after days stranded in a jungle, salty and rich. She finished it all. 

Rey sat on the edge of the bunk, studying the cell. It was an awful little place, clearly designed to make those unlucky enough to be thrown in one very, very miserable. The lights were just a little too harsh, and there was no switch to turn them off. There was no means of communicating with the outside world, no way to pass the time. Nothing but the bed itself. If anyone wanted to torment Rey, she could think of no better way than keeping her in this tiny space forever.

Desperate to think of something other than an eternity alone in a personal hellhole, Rey decided to meditate and try to improve her use of the Force. She straightened her back and let her fingertips rest on the cold floor. The concentration needed to feel her surroundings had come easy after Master Luke had instructed her, but the ship's inorganic nature made it difficult. 

Mostly, there were echoes of life, the gentle thudding of movement through out the ship, the softened noise made by the beings who inhabited it. As she pushed her mind out further, Rey realized she could not see any of the corridors and chambers that she knew must be there. The only other sound was some feedback from the mechanical parts of the ship and the many droids. 

But more importantly, or perhaps more pressingly, was the glow of Kylo Ren's power. Even though he was nearly on the opposite end of the ship from her, Rey could sense it as if he was right next to her. She realized she knew exactly where he was, or rather how to find him, even though she could not see his surroundings. Still, she didn't let her mind stay near him too long, instead allowing her concentration to break before crawling into the hard bed. If there was nothing else for her to do, she would catch up on sleep. 

Unfortunately, she dreamt of her loneliest days on Jakku and woke up depressed. The memories and the pain lingered. A few stray tears rolled down her cheeks. It was stupid to dwell on it, but the vacant cell and the hopelessness of her situation reminded her too much of all those wasted years. She tried to push it out. She would survive. There was still hope. There was still Ben, who was trying to do right by her in his strange fashion. She would not be truly alone. 

As if the Force sensed her thoughts, the hum of the ship became muted. It took her a moment to notice it and her eyes moved up to see Kylo Ren sitting, clean-shaven, but clearly tired and annoyed. His eyes flicked up to hers, not breaking his disgruntled expression. He was with someone else, perhaps in a meeting based on the commanding way his hands gripped the arm rests, the wide splay of his legs, and his straight back. They stared at each other through the Bond for a moment before he frowned at her.

Realizing that her pathetic, tear-stained face was on full display, Rey buried it in her hands and quickly wiped away whatever she could. 

“I'm fine. Just something in my eye,” she blurted out.  
He turned his head away, keeping the frown there, but clearly looking at someone else now.

“I didn't mean to bother you. Sorry.”  
Rey forced the Bond closed and sighed. She didn't think for a second that he bought her little lie, but it didn't matter. He had already probed her mind and seen her sad days on Jakku. It truly was of no consequence, yet Rey wanted to hide until the embarrassment passed. She closed her eyes and covered herself with the blanket again. If there was one thing she had never quite learned since she joined the Resistance, and that was how to get warm in the depths of space. It was always colder than Rey's body could handle. She shivered and curled up tighter. Sleep came again, eventually.

She was pulled from dreamless rest by a sharp rapping on her cell's door. It took her a moment to register it, even as she shot up in the bunk. Without hesitation, the door slid open and revealed the hideous black mask she had first met on Takodana. Rey's barely conscious eyes darted frantically over Kylo Ren's imposing frame as it entered the cell and tried not to be afraid. Was it a dream? Was this cold, heartless visage here to taunt her? The figure stopped just on the other side of the entryway and the door closed behind him.

Immediately gloved hands rose to his head and a mechanical latch unlocked itself, allowing Kylo Ren to remove it. But it wasn't some terrifying ghost who emerged from underneath. All Rey could see was an exhausted and pale-looking Ben who looked full of regret and wouldn't quite meet her eyes.  
Rey gulped, trying to calm her nerves. “Why are you here?”

“I came to see how you were faring,” he said softly. 

Rey felt herself relax slightly. She stood, carefully keeping her blanket around her shoulders, and took a few steps toward him. He finally returned her gaze when she was close enough to reach out and touch him.  
“I'm fine. I've done nothing but eat and sleep since I got here,” Rey replied. “You look terrible...”

Ben's chest heaved with a large sigh. “Hux has kept me busy ever since we arrived. I haven't gotten a chance to sleep yet.”

“How long as it been since we left?”

“Around 10 hours.”  
“I see...” Now it was Rey's turn to look away. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, and a few more that she'd like to yell at him. But she still felt frayed from being woken up so suddenly.

“I have some things for you.” He pushed his hand into his cape and produced some packets of synthsust. “More food. The med droids said we were both a little malnourished and dehydrated.”

Rey snatched them out his hand a little too quickly. She was embarrassed, but she had spent years on the edge of starvation and it had only been a few months since she could eat her fill at every meal.

“Thank you,” she murmured. 

Ben reached for his belt and produced a datapad. “If you get bored.”

Rey took it and turned it over in her fingers, not sure what to do with so many things. No one ever gave scavengers anything for free unless it was a beating, gifts still felt strange.

“Thank you for bringing me all this. I'm sure most prisoners here don't get such nice treatment”

“Only for you,” he whispered. He sounded so thin and hoarse, barely like the heavy voice she was used to. She looked up, only to see Ben's soft eyes begging for her forgiveness. “I miss you already.”

Her fingers met his cheek and grazed his scar, feeling the thick, puckered line. His lips broke free from their usual concerned grimace, only giving the barest hint of his eagerness for her touch. She really wanted to be angry with him again, but the feeling failed to return.

Instead, Rey smiled softly. “I miss you too.”

Needing no more permission, his arms immediately circled her waist and pulled her gently against him. Ben leaned down to press his forehead against hers. The skin on their noses touched, and finally their lips.  
Her fingers ran through his hair as he gave her soft, slow kisses. It was so silky and clean, and Rey realized she had only touched him when they had both been covered in sweat, dirt, and grime. Now that they were properly clean again, it was like feeling him beneath her fingers had become new. They stayed like that for awhile, not trying to entice each other into something deeper and simply enjoying the feeling of their bodies being so close together again. 

Finally -too soon for Rey's liking- Ben straightened and gazed down at her, looking regretful. “I shouldn't stay any longer. I don't want to draw more attention to you.” 

Rey nodded. His face betrayed his exhaustion, and she felt guilty for keeping him from sleep clearly he needed.  
His voice grew lower. “I'm sorry that you have to stay in this place. You don't deserve it.” 

She laughed. “I've slept in worse places, trust me.” But Ben didn't seem reassured.

“Just say you'll join me. Then I could take you away from all this. I could give you the galaxy if you asked me for it.”

Rey drew in a sharp breath and debated pulling away from him. “You know I won't.”

Reluctantly, he let go of her waist and let his arms fall to her hips. He opened his mouth to form a protest, but Rey cut him off. “I could go with you through the Bond.” 

“How do you mean?”  
“I think I know how it works,” she blushed. “It happens when...well probably when we're thinking of each other.”

Ben's face turned a vibrant shade of red. “Yes, I've noticed.”

“When you get to your rooms, we could open the Bond... And that way we can spend some more time together without anyone knowing.” 

A genuine smile flourished on Ben's face. It was still so rare and new to Rey that she was a little awestruck by its warmth. He took her hand and squeezed it. “I'd love that.” Rey couldn't help but smile back in response.

After another long kiss, he reached for his helmet and put it on. He nodded to Rey, who tried not to grimace at the ugly thing, and left her cell. For a moment it felt too empty without Ben there and her heart twinged.

Finding his presence moving through the ship was easy. He was overflowing with anticipation, almost reaching giddiness. She smiled to herself, realizing just why he needed the damn helmet now. She imagined Ben leaving shocked storm troopers in his wake as he walked through the corridors with a love-struck grin plastered onto his face. Not very befitting of the Supreme Leader. Someone crossed his path and turned his exhilaration into loathing, but the interaction was brief and his excitement built up again as he moved on. Finally he stilled and so did the noise around her. 

Rey opened her eyes to see him standing before her, just as he had been only minutes ago. No mask, no Supreme Leader, just Ben. He smiled at her warmly and stepped in her direction. “You're here.”

“Of course, I'm here,” she laughed. “That was the idea.”

“I know. I'm just happy...”  
Ben reached out his hand to her, and she almost took it, but then pulled back. He gave her a confused look. 

“Is something wrong?”

Rey hesitated, trying to formulate her thoughts. “If I touch you, I might have a vision again.” Her eyes lifted up to his, worried and sad. “I don't want to see something you're not ready to show me. I don't know if I can control it yet.”  
Ben let his hand drop slightly, but raised it again almost immediately, once more offering it to Rey.

“You saw it all...and yet you still care for me.” His eyes burned with determination. “I'll be fine.”  
Rey took his hand, and with no more pause he laced his fingers with hers and pressed his other hand on the small of her back, bringing her close. The visions started almost immediately. Streams of images of Rey making her escape; of Ben standing across from her at the entrance bay to a TIE Fighter; of him manning the controls as she fought off their pursuers. And then it returned to the same vision she had seen before, the two of them standing close, being greeted by their children. Finally the family they both longed for.

Rey's eyes fluttered open and her consciousness returned to reality. Everything felt too heavy, and she swayed slightly as she tried to push through the feeling. Ben gripped her waist tighter to steady her. 

“What did you see?” he asked softly, with an expectant look on his face. 

“You came with me...We had a family.” Ben smiled as she told him, but there was pain behind his eyes. “What did you see?” 

“You stayed...”  
Her heart tore open and spilled into every crevice. If the last vision she had seen was any indication, some of what they saw would be true. But which parts? And how much of it was just their own fantasies being cruelly played back to them? Rey laid her cheek against his broad chest, and closed her eyes. Ben's hand rose to the top of her head in an attempt to reassure her. But tears didn't come, so she pressed herself closer to him.

“I wish they were the same,” she whimpered into his chest. 

“Maybe they will be, one day,” Ben replied. “We can keep trying.” 

He kissed the top of her head and Rey desperately wished for their lives to change into something more common. They could be two simple people from the same city on a peaceful planet, instead of two almost strangers on opposite sides of a war. Any two people free to live their lives as they pleased would do. She found herself cursing the galaxy for giving them so much pain and for putting so many obstacles in their path.

She pulled back from his embrace slightly. “I should go. You need to rest.” 

Ben made a disgruntled noise. “I wish you'd stay.”  
Rey wanted to protest, but something in his eyes told her he was more tired and wounded by the long day than he had let on. He needed her with him to be a salve to heal the day's harms. She reached up to cup his face in her hands and he leaned into her touch. “Only if you go to bed. I'll stay until you fall asleep.”

It was mildly impressive how quickly Ben readied himself for bed. She was amused to learn he always preferred to sleep shirtless, claiming he got too warm at night even in the chilled confines of space. Rey watched from the edge of her bunk as he sauntered back into her view, his face and hair damp with little drops of water. He sat next to her, somehow on his own bed even though she was in the isolation cell. Rey found herself reaching out to touch him for no particular reason. She brushed a piece of hair off his cheek and ran her thumb over his jawline. 

“Rey...” he whispered.

“What is it?” 

“Nothing. I just wanted to say your name.”

She chuckled and flopped down on the bed. Ben watched her until she patted the mattress beside her.

“Come on. You've got to sleep,” she said. 

He laid down next to her with no more hesitation and Rey moved in closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and letting her feet fall into place beside his legs. Somehow the bed felt a bit softer, more comfortable through the Force. She wondered how it combined to mirror both their existences perfectly, allowing them to share a bed despite the fact that the spaces they inhabited were probably very different. 

Ben pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead. “I wish we'd had more time together,” he said.

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally free from the clutches of FanimeCon (for now...)! Which means I hopefully have more time to devote to the final chapter(s?) of this fic. No seriously though, I had a great con and found some choice Kylo Ren merch on top of it all. 
> 
> Thanks as always to M, my beta, for being the best reader and fandom friend I could ever ask for. ILU, gurl. 
> 
> Also, I'm @allaboutmanga on tumblr. Feel free to follow me and say hi! I would love to get comments/feedback on here as well. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. And When I Look Into The Future, I See Danger In Its Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey spends her first full day in captivity and finds it more difficult than she realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gawd this chapter kicked my butt! I am so sorry it took me this long to finish it and post!  
> And worst of all, Chapter 11 will take me awhile because I'm leaving on a work trip for nearly 3 weeks tomorrow morning! It should be the final chapter, but don't quote me on that. I thought this chapter was going to be the last one...
> 
> Thanks as always to @SilverCherie for beta reading for me.
> 
> Also, if you have some music suggestions for me, I could really use some for my upcoming fic! I need songs that you think the new triology characters would sing at karaoke and good background songs about love, sorrow, and cheating.

Rey woke up in her cell alone. She wasn't quite sure when the Bond had broken, but she could still feel the heat from Ben's body across her skin. When she looked around her cell, there was another tray of hot food sitting on the floor. She ate it without hesitation and began to swipe through the First Order Holonet offerings.

Oddly enough, there were a lot of romantic dramas and heroic epics. Rey let herself get engulfed in them for a while, fascinated by the stories even though they were thinly veiled propaganda pieces. They seemed so simple and happy, always about the characters finally finding peace and love on their planets by joining the First Order's crusade. Of course whenever a hero and their love interest found a moment together, Rey's mind turned idly to Ben. It wasn't long before the Force connected them.

The first time he was standing, his gaze turned down at something in front of him and his hands clasped behind his back. Ben looked far less tired than the day before, though his face was still a bit worn. His eyes found hers as he noticed the lack of noise, and Rey smiled sheepishly.

“Sorry,” she whispered. His face moved as though he wished he could say something, but then his attention was drawn back to whatever was in front of him. Rey wondered what it was that made him think of her in that moment.

It happened a few more times over the course of the day, a little more frequently as the hours moved on and she found herself tired of the dramas. Rey tried to stop it by finding something else on the Holonet. She settled on an exercise course, her body feeling a bit stiff from so much time in the cell. Concentration helped. Her mind focused as she pushed her body to keep up with the unrelenting pace of stormtrooper workouts. 

She could keep up well enough, but eventually the course ended. Rey slumped her body against one of the cell walls and let the cold metal seep into her skin. Once she was sufficiently rested, it was back to the datapad to see what else could occupy her time. 

There wasn't much. Access was restricted to machinery training manuals and anything informative. She couldn't even view a map of the ship, making planning an escape much harder. The next time Rey thought of Ben she was angry and frustrated. He had obviously been the one to limit what she could view before he had given it to her, and while it had been an act of kindness to give her anything, it still stung that he treated her like a prisoner. Like a threat. Even if she was both.

Rey tossed it roughly onto the bed, trying to figure out how to keep herself from going stir-crazy, when the noise left the room.

“You're upset.” he said. 

Rey had already begun to spin around towards him, but she hadn't expected him to speak first. Her brows furrowed in confusion by the time she met his eyes. She didn't want pity or concern.

“Yes,” a little too meekly for her own taste.

“What's wrong?” Ben replied, moving forward to comfort her. 

“Where do you want me to start?” Rey growled, finding her strength again. “Let's see, I'm trapped in a First Order cell with no means of escape, nothing to do, no one to talk to, and most of the ship thinks I killed Snoke.” 

“I'm sorry, Rey. You know I would have put you in a nicer room if it were possible.”

“I don't care about the room, Ben,” she snapped. “I'm mad because I can't do anything! You've even restricted what I can see on the Holonet!”

He was holding back a sharp comment in search of better words, she knew. “How am I supposed to escape? Or were you planning on keeping me here until I relented and joined you?”

Rey watched him let out a heavy sigh at her words. A gloved hand moved up to his face to rub at the bridge of his nose.

“I wasn't planning anything like that,” he said, the tone of his voice sharp with anger he was trying not to unleash. “You must understand that we both have to be careful. If I do anything too conspicuous, it could put you in even greater danger.” 

“Letting me see a map of the ship wouldn't be that conspicuous, would it?” Rey snorted. 

“Hux would be furious if he found out that I gave you a datapad, Rey. At least if there's nothing of any consequence on it, it just looks like I gave it to you out of pity.” 

Ben turned his sad gaze back at her. “Please understand. I'm just trying to keep you alive. I may have become the Supreme Leader, but everything is still transitioning. I can't be seen doing anything that might cast doubt on the legitimacy of my rule.”

He had meant to calm her, but it stung to hear Ben choose his position over her. Rey wrapped her arms around her torso, trying to steel herself against the feelings of anger and betrayal his words dredged up. Where was the man who begged for her affection the night before? That man wanted her more than anything, wanted to give her the galaxy. The one before Rey now had revealed his true hand. They were still in the midst of a game of deception against each other, and Rey had walked straight into his trap. 

Well, if he wants to play... she thought.

Rey sighed and looked away from him mournfully. “I don't understand how you can be so cold to me after everything...”

Pain flooded the Bond. For a moment, Rey thought something was wrong with her and clutched her chest. Her head whipped back towards Ben and saw the suffering spreading upon his face. Rey felt a tiny swell of satisfaction within her. At least if she had to suffer his selfishness, then the Supreme Leader would suffer with her. 

But the feeling turned on her when Ben strode over and grabbed her hand, triggering a vision. Of Ben entering her cell, getting down on his knees, begging her to believe him, his face wet with grief, trying desperately to make her understand. And as the Rey in her vision began to open her mouth to reply, it ended. 

“Rey,” Ben groaned. “What did you see?”

Rey sucked in a large breath of air. “You came here. To plead with me to understand.”

His hand slid up her arm to cradle her cheek and she nearly flinched at the warmth of it. He lifted her chin up to look him in the eye. She was almost scared at the wild-eyed intensity radiating off him. 

“I saw the same thing.”

The Bond snapped off and left her startled. She knew he was on his way down to her, to make that version of their future true, and something in Rey wished she could run from it. No matter what he said or did, she was still trapped. His prisoner, subject to his wills. She would lose this game. And if the cost didn't include her life, then her freedom would be its replacement. Rey tried to imagine letting herself give in and join his side, but the thought of looking away whenever the First Order callously killed innocent people made her sick. 

By the time he entered her cell, Rey was an absolute mess. Pacing back and forth, trying to think of a solution, any solution, to her situation. There was none, she knew, but her heart wouldn't let her settle for that explanation. Ben took off his helmet and gloves, and threw them to the ground. His face was already damp from sweat and tears. 

“Rey,” his voice taking on a pleading tone as he approached her. 

She shied away from him, too rattled to deal with his presence. He paused for a moment and watched her reaction before he cornered her against the wall with his arms. Rey nearly took the opportunity to kick him in the groin and escape his cage, but the cell door was closed.

“Ben, please,” she begged. “Let me go. Just open the door, that's all you have to do. I'll do the rest. I'd rather die than stay here like this.”

He sighed and closed his eyes. “No.”

“Ben, please.” If she thought it would work, she'd use the mind trick on him like she had on that storm trooper.

It was then he dropped to his knees before her. He took both Rey's hands in his and clutched them.

“I'm going to find a way to get you off this ship safely, Rey. I promise you.” 

She nearly pulled back her hands, her brain expecting some excuse rather than what he had actually said.

“What?”

He took a large gulp of air and kissed her hands. “I love you, Rey. I want you to stay, but not like this.”

He kissed her fingers again, then pressed them to his forehead. 

“I just have to make sure you'll be safe. I don't know what I would do if you died because of my recklesness. Please, Rey,” he pleaded. “Be patient for me.”

“I don't understand... You'll let me leave?” she asked. 

Ben nodded, his desperate eyes raising to meet her stunned gaze. “Just give me time. I'll need to be extremely careful.”

Rey nodded, and slid down to the ground. He took the opportunity to wrap her in his arms and kiss her temple. 

“Why are you doing this?”

He pulled back and looked her in the eye. “Because you'll never be truly mine if you're forced to stay here.”

His eyes traveled downward and grew distant. “I want us to be side by side...as equals, not by force.” 

Rey's hands found his chin and lifted it up to look at her again. She struggled to contain the tears that were forming. “Do you mean that?”

A frown crossed his face. “Rey, I've been asking you to join me for a long time now. Haven't you realized?”

Her arms wrapped around his neck and Rey buried her head into his shoulder. For the first time all day her heart swelled with hope. He had always asked her. Many, many times, whenever he had gotten the chance. Yes, he had pressed her into difficult situations, but each time he had left her with a choice. It was one of the reasons why she knew there was good in him. If he was truly lost, there wouldn't have been any choosing, just an attack and a victor. Ben stroked the back of her head and whispered. “My plan was always to let you escape if you wouldn't choose me.” 

Rey cupped his chin again and brought her lips to his, a kiss that was both passionate and grateful. 

“Thank you, Ben.” 

Something about his smile was more mournful than happy. “Don't thank me yet. You're still stuck in this cell for the time being.” 

“You've given me hope again. I have plenty to be thankful for.” She peppered his face with more kisses, and felt his mouth pull back into a wider grin. 

“Only for you,” he said as he returned her kiss. 

It only took a few more moments, lips crushed against each other, for them to give up on the notion of restraint. Both of them were hungry for whatever affection could be spared. He pulled down the fastener of her jumpsuit just so, revealing the skin of her neck and a hint of her chest just before the edge of her undershirt.

They shouldn't, Rey knew, but she allowed him to wrap her legs around his torso and press her against the metal cell wall until she was nearly breathless. When he pulled back for a moment, she tugged the zipper down all the way to her stomach and shrugged the top off. His hands glided under the standard issue white tank top and over her ribs. She felt him pinch at her nipples and the Bond sent its electricity through her skin. The sound that came out of her was embarrassingly obscene, but Rey couldn't have cared less.

“Rey,” Ben breathed as her fingers met his hair. “I need you so much.” 

A hand moved to the insides of her thighs and stroked dangerously close to where she was already starting to drip. With a desperate look, he asked, “Do you need me?”

An old part of her knew she didn't. She could live completely free from him for the rest of her days with barely any effort. It would be far more peaceful without him. But another part of Rey knew there was no way she would want that life now. 

“I do.”

Ben pressed his thumb against where her clit would be and Rey's legs melted. The rush of heat was so intense that he had to lift her hips up and pull the jumpsuit to her thighs. Then fingers found the entrance to her sex and she jerked as they filled her. 

Slumping forward against his chest, Rey couldn't help but moan in delight. His hair tickled her cheek and the hot breath on her neck made her shiver just a little. 

“Does that feel good?” 

“Mm!” was all she could manage. 

He let her fingers pump in and out of her, unrelenting in their pace, until Rey was close. Then he pulled away and she had to stop herself from begging him to keep going. She didn't want to be too greedy. This and every moment they had together from here on out would be stolen time. Every second shared would be one step closer to either allowing her to escape or getting themselves caught. 

She tried to push away the thought when Ben yanked off his tunic and undershirt, then moved her into his lap. The gap between her legs settled on his erection. Rey let herself slip slowly down his length, pressing slightly until she rested on his thigh instead. He wasted no time getting his cock out. Ben was just as ready and eager as she was. She wasted no time sliding herself down onto him.

It felt a little precarious being above him, so Rey reached out a hand to his chest to steady herself. From her perch, she could see Ben writhe with the sensations of being inside her. His jaw clenched and moved as he tried to hold back a sound. Rey suddenly wanted to hear him moan and feel the vibrations of his voice along all the places where their skin met. 

“Ben,” she smirked as she raised her hips up slightly. “Does it feel good?”

Ben growled an enthusiastic response and Rey shuddered as it moved through her. He gripped her hips and tried to fit even more of himself inside her. Not that there was anything left, she was full to the brim. 

“Don't move,” she cooed, half-expecting Ben not to listen and pound away at her. Instead he loosened his hold and waited.

It surprised her that he would let her take control like this. Kylo Ren would certainly never allow it. But Ben...Her Ben... Rey began to rock herself against his length and saw his nostrils flare. She smirked as he did his very best not to move, but felt his fingers twitch at her sides. 

She leaned forward, propping herself up with one arm and letting his length drag along her insides. Ben looked as if he was fighting every nerve in his body, his mouth panting in desperation. Then her hips snapped all the way back down and Ben couldn't help but push his pelvis up in response. It made Rey gasp, but she reached out and pulled on one of his pert nipples.

“No, no. I said don't move,” Rey chuckled as he squirmed. Ben tossed his head back and groaned in frustration.

“Rey...” he whined. “Please...”

“Not yet.”

After realizing Ben could not sit entirely still, she allowed him to move his arms over her ass and thighs, and to play with her swollen clit as she bounced up and down on him. It didn't take him long to throw her over the edge and she had to slow herself in order to ride out the orgasm. But he didn't stop. Rey found herself collapsing onto his chest. 

His arm found his way up her back and around her shoulders, holding her a bit closer. “My turn?” 

Rey nodded her assent and felt him adjust his legs to get a better range of movement while still slowly pumping in and out. Without warning, he thrust far harder and faster than she had been able. All she could do was stay totally still as he pistoned his hips. 

When Ben reached his own climax, he squeezed her tight enough to take her breath away completely. His once swollen cock softened and slid out of her, but the two of them stayed pressed against each other, contented. 

After many lingering kisses, Ben decided it was best to return to his quarters in case someone decided to look for their Supreme Leader. 

Rey moved to her bed as she waited for Ben to reach his rooms, savoring the lingering sensations of him along her body. It was blissfully quiet until the latch at the bottom of her door opened and a tray of food slid across the floor. 

If anyone were there to ask, she would have told them she wasn't particularly hungry at the moment, but as soon as she saw it something deep within rumbled. Her stomach clearly had other opinions on the matter.

She grabbed the tray and settled back into the bed, trying to enjoy the flavorless synthsust. At the very least they fed her well and she didn't have to worry over portions. 

Rey picked up Ben's trail throughout the ship and did her best to finish before he appeared through the Bond. The noise left the room just as she stuffed her mouth a little too much with the last bite of bread. 

She turned her head and Ben's eyebrows raised in shock.

“Don't laugh,” she tried to say. It came out as nigh indecipherable mumbling instead. 

He immediately bit his lip to stifle the laugh that was bursting forth. It sputtered out anyway, and he grasped his stomach and doubled over. Rey resigned herself to chewing as he regained composure. 

Ben sat on the edge of the bed as his laughter died down. Rey wrapped her arms around the illusion of his torso. As the vision began to cloud her mind, she thought about how solid he felt beneath her touch. 

It was the same one. Standing at the edge of a ship, Rey frantically trying to start the thing, Ben looking in from entryway. She reached out a hand to him and after a long pause he took it. 

She willed herself out of the vision before she had to see their nameless children again.

“You came with me,” she murmured as Ben stirred. 

“I see,” he replied.

Rey sighed and let herself fall back on the bed. “I guess I stayed in yours?”

Ben nodded then lay down beside her, looking up at whatever view he could see in his room. Rey kept her eyes fixed on him instead of the low ceiling of her bunk. “I was hoping something might change.” 

A pang ripped through Rey's heart. Of course he had hoped. For a moment before, they had shared the same vision. Maybe that change had affected more than just their immediate future. She had barely even noticed, totally lost in her own concerns for safety. But he had come running to her, brimming with hope for the two of them. They had a chance for a moment. Rey wondered just what had changed their course again. 

She turned and slid in next to him, head tucked neatly against his chest and an arm draped along his stomach. Like this is where she was meant to be each night. They should do this each night, Rey thought. Even if their futures tore them apart again. 

“It's okay, we'll keep trying,” she whispered. “Get some sleep.”


	11. Our Love Will Sail in This Ark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Our love will sail in this ark  
> The world could end outside our window  
> Let's find forever  
> And write our name in fire on each other's hearts"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: OKAY, @SilverCherie, YOU WERE RIGHT. I COULDN'T END IT IN 10 CHAPTERS.  
> More seriously though: Thanks for beta reading my fic.
> 
> Even more seriously: Trigger warning for vomiting. Skip the first four paragraphs if that bothers you.

At some point in the night, Rey became aware of an intense pain in her stomach. At first, she actually thought she had dreamed it, that the pain was just part of a vivid memory on Jakku. Then it erupted and her conscious mind could no longer ignore it.

Rey's eyes flew open and she turned on her side hoping that a change in position might alleviate the discomfort. Sweat dripped down her face as nausea overcame her. She tried to hold it back, but it was soon clear that was a losing battle. Slowly Rey lifted herself off the bunk and made for the toilet button.

She did not make it two steps before the contents of her stomach escaped onto the floor. Shocked, she wobbled to a kneeling position. She almost felt better until her gut clenched again and more spilled from her. Panting from the exertion, Rey tried again to crawl to the button that called out the toilet and sink.

The room grew dizzy, and just moving without causing further vomiting was an impossible feat. The cold floor seemed like a much nicer alternative, so she laid her head down on it and waited for the feeling to pass. It almost did, but soon her insides twisted again. Cautiously, she moved towards the button again.

The prison droids flooded the room before her head hit the floor. Rey didn't remember what happened after that.

There was a moment when a First Order medic and some other med droids hovered over her, hurriedly working at something. Her vision was too hazy and lifting her head seemed like an impossible task.

Then there was a moment she thought she saw General Hux grimacing, with an unusual stormtrooper at his side.

Later still, she thought she saw Ben, his face a mess of barely contained emotions. But mostly there was just nothingness and grogginess and pain until voices made their way into her ears.

“What were you thinking?” Rey recognized General Hux's sneering tone.

“That's none of your concern.” And Kylo Ren's response, not quite able to hide a hint of unchecked fury in his voice.

“She's a Jedi rebel, of course it's my concern!”

Rey thought about opening her eyes, but something in her brain kept swirling and she knew she wasn't quite ready.

“It had nothing to do with the Resistance.”

“Then what possessed you to...to...sleep with her?” Hux sneered. 

Whatever power exhaustion still had over her was now gone. Carefully, she peeked through her lashes to see Ben and the irritable general slightly turned away from where she lay, but they would notice any movement from her. It seemed prudent to remain unconscious in their eyes.

“That doesn't matter! You poisoned her and nearly killed her!!” Ben growled. “Do you have any idea what that would have cost us?”

Poison? That explained the stomach pains and the vomiting.

“We could get the location of the new Resistance base from any number of sources, do you really think she would be the only one to have it? She's of no use to us!”

There was a sound that Rey could only assume was Ben's fist assaulting a wall. She tried not to flinch.

“Skywalker gave her the Ancient Jedi texts, you fool! Why do you think I was searching for him in the first place? If they still exist, the Jedi way will always exist!”  
"Kill her and the Jedi Order will die with her!"

Had Ben only been after the texts she had stolen from Ahch-to? No, even if he had been, something changed between them and that was no longer his true mission. And thankfully, she had kept them tucked away on the Millennium Falcon.

“This still doesn't change the fact that you quite literally slept with the enemy,” the man hissed. “Why?”

There was no response from Ben. For a moment she wondered if he was contemplating an answer, but the silence dragged on and it became obvious that he had no excuse to give Hux. At least not one that would suffice. Rey groaned and opened her eyes.

“I slept with him to survive,” she sighed.

Both men stared in shock. Thankfully this meant they were distracted enough that she could sit up and assess their reactions for a moment.

“To survive?” Hux asked, his voice dripping with curiosity.

Rey rubbed a temple. She still felt woozy, but she couldn't falter now.

“You saw where we crashed, right? We were in the middle of a deep valley with no means of escape. It was either fight to the death or make a deal that benefited us both...” Her gaze turned toward Kylo, who was grinding his jaw in his nervousness. “And I didn't have any Ancient Jedi texts to hand over...So I offered something else up. I keep your Supreme Leader pleased, he keeps me safe.” 

Hux followed her eyes to the Supreme Leader's face and grimaced. “I see. So she's just a common whore with a few extra tricks up her sleeve.”

Had he been looking straight at her, Hux probably could have dodged the slap she landed across his cheek. Instead he stumbled backward and Rey caught him before he hit the ground. He struggled against her grip as she pulled him up toward her face.

“You poisoned me, did I hear that right?” The redhead's eyes widened in fear. She let him drop.

“You-!”

“Where I grew up, you either did whatever it took to survive, or you died in the desert alone,” Rey seethed. “I bet a pale little bastard like you wouldn't last two days.” 

She spit on his face. Hux growled and was nearly upon her when Kylo Ren stepped between them.

“That's enough!”

Rey leaned against the bed, arms crossed and still peering down her nose at Hux. Kylo Ren turned to the general, who was tugging at the hem of his jacket in an effort to regain his dignity.

“Are you satisfied now?”

“Hardly,” Hux spat. “But I suppose everyone has their...needs.”

“Go,” Kylo commanded. “We'll speak more about this later.”

They both watched the man leave before turning towards each other. Rey felt her face soften instantly.

“Ben...” she breathed. A small smile found its way to the corner of her lips. “How can you stand him?”

Kylo Ren's unfeeling face stared back at her.

“Just rest,” he growled before exiting the room.

The med bay was quiet for a long time after they left. Finally a medic reappeared, looking nervously around before stepping into the room. The young man seemed far more relaxed the moment he did, and beckoned for his colleagues to enter as well. Someone came to put a nutrient drip into her arm, then Rey was more or less ignored.

Normally she would have wanted to curl up and shut out the world for a few hours, but the last few days mostly alone made the buzz of the room comforting. A few stormtroopers came in with minor injuries from their training sessions. An officer accidentally cut her hand on a broken console. It was all so alive that Rey didn't even notice how curt and distant everyone toward each other. It didn't matter. It was far more real than anything on the First Order HoloNet.

Eventually she felt calmed and well enough to reassess her situation. She was free of the isolation cell, which meant a better chance at escape. Every so often there was a lull where there were no other patients left, and there were only three medics and a droid. A Jedi Mind Trick might work on one, leaving her able to take out the others and steal a uniform. With any luck, she could find an unguarded ship and fake her way out, or there might be a chance to steal away on a planet-bound transport.

She hadn't particularly meant to think about Ben, but she already regretted that they wouldn't have another moment alone together. Again, the wish to be someplace and someone else with him overcame her, and with it, the urge to kiss him.

Another stormtrooper came into the med bay, which either lessened her chances or gave her more time to see Ben again. But if she did, he would likely be on guard after being discovered by Hux.

The sound of droid working nearby became muted.

Ben stood beside her bed.

“How are you feeling?”

She looked up at him and nodded.

“Ah,” he said, recognizing she wasn't alone. “It's good that you're resting.”

Rey sighed.

“I miss you too,” he murmured.

He was getting better at making her smile. Damn him.

“I'm sending an escort to take you back to your cell,” he continued.

Rey frowned at him. Lover or not, she would not let him ruin a viable plan of escape.

“Take the opportunity and run.”

Oh.

Ben's jaw moved and she thought she saw his eyes water.

“Ben,” she whispered carefully. “Thank you.”

“Be careful.”

Someone in the room spoke and Rey realized it was at full volume. He was gone.

Ben was sweet, but getting away from armed stormtroopers would likely be more difficult than escaping via the med bay. Luckily a medic and another patient had just gone into a closed room, leaving her with just two medics, one of whom was her size, and the droid remaining. She had to act now.

The male medic at a console across from her bed had his back turned toward her. He would be easy.

“Hey. I don't feel so good.”

The man turned to her and stood.

“Still feeling the effects of the poison, prisoner? You're lucky the Supreme Leader saved you from certain death.”

Rey smiled politely. “You are hungry and will take your meal break in the canteen now.”

“I-what?”

“You are hungry and you will take your meal break in the canteen now.”

“I am hungry and I will take my meal break in the canteen now,” he responded.

Rey watched him walk out, past the confused look of his coworker. But the woman shrugged and went back to her task.

The next part would be trickier. Did she take down the droid or the woman first? Would the other medic hear? Definitely the droid. The woman would be slower to react. Rey sat up in her cot.

“Are you alright, prisoner?” The woman called out. It would have to be her then.

“Sorry,” Rey said before using the Force to twist the woman's consciousness and leave her slumped over her console.

The droid had not looked up from its task of sorting various medicines. Rey silently walked up behind it and studied it. If she was right about what kind of model it was, then she could open a compartment on its side and pull out a wire to disable it.

She did, but instead of shutting down, the droid turned to her. “Is something wrong, patient?”

Her heart started to thud loudly with panic. Rey grabbed a handful of wires as fast as she could and ripped them out. The droid uttered a long digital syllable and then went limp. Rey took a deep gulp of air and silently thanked the Force.

She stripped the poor female medic of her uniform and dressed. It would be one thing to wander the ship in her own nondescript clothes, but a person casually strolling through the corridors in a First Order prison uniform would be immediately recognizable. The medic's uniform did not come with a cap, so Rey pulled her hair into one simple bun typical of what she'd seen many First Order women wear. Perhaps it would make her look marginally different.

No one in the corridor took notice of a medic leaving the med bay. Medics came in and out of the med bay all the time. The fact that no one had ever seen this particular medic was of no particular importance to them. Everyone on board had far more pressing tasks to do than give a new medic a serious once over.

Rey passed her stormtrooper escort, and resolved to walk a bit faster. An elevator bay appeared to her right and Rey popped into the first one that opened and inserted herself behind the petty officers who entered with her. After a few stops the doors opened on what looked like a hangar deck.

Unfortunately, this meant an increase of stormtroopers marching through the corridors. Rey knew that they wouldn't pay her any mind, but it still made her nervous. She tried to walk purposefully down the long halls while also looking around for a hangar where she could execute her plan. 

A nearby stormtrooper commander's communicator squawked. He halted his unit and listened to the message.

“Prisoner loose on the ship. Female human with brown hair tied back into multiple buns. She stole a medic's uniform. All units keep an eye out for her.”

Rey ducked into the next hangar she could reach.

A large transport ship was docked in the center, and a few stormtroopers hung by its ramp. They did not flinch at her entrance, so either Rey made a convincing First Order medic or they were stuck to their posts unless someone posed a more noticeable threat.

The guarded ship made stealing one from this hangar near impossible. She could attempt to sneak on board, but it was a question of how to get past the stormtroopers, and then how to avoid detection by the crew. Then there was the possibility it would take her to another First Order ship. The best course of action would be to get to the next hangar and hope for fewer stormtroopers hanging around.

She returned to the corridor and tried to act like she belonged there, but now there were more people moving about in a frenzy. She saw a group head for the hangar she had just exited and decided to go in the opposite direction.

Approaching fifty feet ahead of her was a familiar figure. No, two. She'd recognize that red hair anywhere. Rey turned back around immediately, but it was too late.

She heard Hux cry out. “THE GIRL, she's there!” Then behind her, the activation and crackle of Kylo Ren's light saber.

The lucky thing about being called out in a crowd is that everyone turns to look and suddenly a path clears for you. The especially lucky thing about it is that Rey had already begun to run, so many around her had no time to react before she bolted past them.

She made it to the hangar bay before a stormtrooper's shot grazed her side. Stumbling, she ducked behind a box of technician's tools next to a ship, but the guards at the transport ship had spotted her. One told his comrade to circle around the ship and their footsteps grew closer. Looking up, Rey spotted a large wire hanging down from the craft. The pain of the injury began to throb throughout her body, but there was no other way to go without getting herself cornered and killed.  
Rey swung up on the rafter and scrambled to stand. She had just moved towards a ship when she heard him.

“REY!”

She paused. There was no time, but the visions had begun to sync with reality. Her heart pounded even harder as he climbed the stairs. Then instinct kicked back in and she ran. Ben had told her to escape. He was just playing his part as the Supreme Leader, her nemesis. But if this was the vision, then she had to get inside a ship.  
She whipped into one and waited for him at the entrance to the cockpit. His breath caught as he turned into the ship and saw her just standing there, not poised to fight.

“Ben...” she whispered. “This is our chance! It's just like the visions. Come with me!” 

He stepped back and retracted his lightsaber. “No. I can't.”

Rey frowned, but Ben continued. “If I go with you, Hux will never stop chasing us. But if it's just you, I can call him off when you get out of range.”

No, no, no! She couldn't bear to leave like this. He was becoming so much kinder the more time he spent with her and not with the First Order and the lingering influence of Snoke.

“Ben, please...”

“Use the Force to push me out of the ship.” He reactivated his lightsaber and slashed at a console.

“No!” Rey protested. “We can fight them off! We can escape together!”

His eyes grew dark and serious. He stepped toward her and ran his lightsaber through the floor of the ship, causing damage and noise, but carefully not harming any vital systems.

“Do it. Before you force my hand.”

His tone was not kind, and even though Rey knew he wouldn't kill her, she also knew that her luck would be wasted if she waited any longer. She stepped toward him and Ben gritted his teeth, expecting a fight. But she quickly moved her hands up to his cheeks and kissed him as hard as she could. Ben groaned, but as soon as he did, she pulled back. 

“Find me, Ben,” Rey snarled. “Make my vision come true!”

A moment later he crashed through the ship's door and onto the rampart. Rey slammed the door control and raced to start the engines as she heard dozens of stormtroopers thud down the metal walkway. Looking out the windows, a crowd had formed, storm troopers were firing at the hull, and she could see some trying to set up a large gun. Hux was directing them, and she considered firing a shot at him, but she had just found the switch that unhooked the wiring. The hangar doors had begun to move.

The TIE Fighter lurched forward and she swung hard towards the exit. It lingered in the air for a moment before Rey punched the thrusters and escaped the Finalizer. Rey spent her first few moments of freedom getting as far from the battlecruiser as she could and the next engaging the hyperdrive.

It wasn't until the blue streaks of hyperspace were blurring past her that she took a moment to relax and start breathing normally. But there wasn't much time to unwind. The Resistance had already suffered catastrophic losses thanks to the hyperspace tracking technology the First Order, but no one knew whether it had been implemented throughout the fleet or just on the destroyed Supremacy.

Rey did not waste any time finding out when she reached her destination. She abandoned the craft just outside of a city, ripped the First Order insignia off her jacket, grabbed a few salvageable parts, and sold them as quickly as she could. Within two hours of landfall, she was on a shuttle to another planet with a fresh set of clothes and some bandages for her wound.

The credits she had left weren't enough to buy her a ship, but they were enough to get her transport to a planet where she knew she could safely send a signal to the Resistance. It was a small relief that no one asked her who she was and why she wanted to go to a remote trading town on Batuu.

Then, it was just a matter of waiting. She found lodgings above a cantina, and only let herself be seen when she was hungry. Rey didn't dare to think about anything except her own safety until she was in a quiet little room with the best escape route.

It would be a lie to say she wasn't disappointed. Again. At first she fought back tears, but then realized that Ben's scars ran deeper than anyone could fathom. He would need more time, patience, and love to break free from the Dark Side. Even Snoke's death couldn't erase all of his pain. And before, on Crait, they had parted on bad terms. Maybe now that they had been reunited, she could use the Bond to help him heal. But their connection was quiet, almost as if he was purposefully avoiding thinking about her. So Rey went back to waiting. For the Resistance and for Ben.

Three days later she was down at the cantina ordering breakfast, when someone grabbed her elbow. Rey whipped around and came face to face with Finn, nearly ready to slam him to the ground. He grabbed the hand that whizzed toward him and cracked a big grin.

“I know you told me to stop grabbing your hand, but I really haven't done it in awhile!”  
'  
Rey relaxed and immediately pulled him into a tight hug. “Finn!”

“I'm so glad you're safe, Rey,” Finn murmured into her shoulder.

“Me too...Where are the others? Is Rose okay?”

“They're all waiting for you on the Millennium Falcon. Let's get you out of here.”

Rey burst into tears as Finn led her the ramp and was greeted by Poe, Leia, Chewie, and Rose. Everyone gave her a long embrace, especially Chewie who complained about how much he missed his co-pilot. She felt herself laughing in what felt like forever, but had only been a matter of days.

When the ship had entered hyperspace, Leia took her hand. “Tell me what happened.”

This time, Rey did not hold much back. There was no other way to explain how she got Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order, to help her escape from his ship. Finn and Rose were quiet as she recounted their days on Akiva, then her time on the Finalizer, and Leia nodded along until Rey told her that she had become intimate with Ben. The look of surprise did not leave the General's face until Rey was finished.

“I know he's our enemy, but...I-”

“No,” Leia interjected. “I'm glad that you were able to reach him.”

Her hands found Rey's again, her face beaming with pride. “If anyone can show him the Light again, it's you, Rey.”

Chewie, who had left Poe at the helm, grumbled in agreement. They buried her in another hug, and Rey felt a weight lift from her chest.

That evening she settled back into her bed on Dagobah, and sighed in relief at being somewhere like home.

“Rey,” his deep voice echoed in the quiet night. “Did you make it back to them?”

She smiled as Ben appeared at the edge of her bed. “Yeah...I did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh you guys, I'm so excited to have finished my very first fic ever. I know it's not the best ever, but hey it's my first and I'm so proud of it!!! I've been involved in a couple of fandoms in my life, (where my Zutarans at?) but this is the first time I've been interested in writing fic for one. 
> 
> Janelle Monae's music was a huge inspiration while I was working on this fic. Especially the ArchAndroid and the Electric Lady albums, which are reflected in the chapter titles. Dirty Computer came out in the middle of me writing this, so that's less of an influence on this fic and more of an influence on my next fic. (But I got to see her in concert shortly after it came out and oh gosh wowwwww.) 
> 
> If you want to keep up with my fanfic, subscribe to my page here, or follow me on tumblr @allaboutmanga.
> 
> And if you want chat about my next fic, tell me your favorite karaoke songs in the comments!


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